gylfie
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  • how to deal with the feeling of impending doom whenever I think about my projects and not being good enough or having a passion or thinking about the future
    gylfie
    gylfie
    Meltdown count: 3.5 n counting
    gylfie
    gylfie
    Crisis temporarily averted. For now.
    went to tims to try to get a breakfast biscuit w egg n bacon and they had neither biscuits nor eggs but i guess that’s on me for going there at 11pm
    Grunt Beavie
    Grunt Beavie
    Tim's tries to be a resturant but they aren't designed to be one. Take it from someone who once worked there.
    Reactions: gylfie
    gylfie
    gylfie
    oof well hey at least you're free now!
    they're trying to cover too many bases,,, blease,,,,i just want a good donut
    School’s in session so you know what that means! :-)
    gylfie
    gylfie
    Time for stomach aches and probably throwing up whenever I don’t get enough sleep! :-))))))
    gylfie
    gylfie
    really torn between going absolutely feral and having a whole meltdown on the floor rn
    gylfie
    gylfie
    Ended up having a meltdown whilst trying to go to sleep so that went abt as well as you’d imagine
    Y’all should be proud of me; I made myself lunch today instead of eating breakfast at 11 and then skipping right to dinner :hmmazurill:
    I’m rly struggling to pick my focus next year and I’m running out of time. I want to learn about everything!!!! but they want us to have specific portfolios by the end of the year....
    gylfie
    gylfie
    Fun fact: spilled water on my laptop so here’s hoping I didn’t kill it :))))))
    At the very least I managed to recover some corrupted files on my USB today and fixed my mouse that wasn’t working. Fingers crossed that good tech energy extends to the laptop. It wasn’t a lot and looked like it mostly hit the keyboard and left speaker so I’m hoping.........gaahhh I’m so stressed about this and picking my focus ;;;;;
    Mystical
    Mystical
    Have faith, Meg. Maybe look online for ideas?
    gylfie
    gylfie
    Laptop is fine so far and I said screw it and went with 3D for my focus. Hoping I’ll like it. But if not I’ll see if I can switch
    Sometimes I think about how my younger self would react if shown my current art. I think I’d go wild and ask “really?? I’ll be able to do that??” And it feels. Nice. To know that I’m doing things I thought I couldnt do ‘cause there were these little secret techniques. But it’s technique and practice and there’s more I can learn and improve upon. As a little kid I used to believe the starving artist myth. But I’m here. And I’m gonna succeed.
    Moving back home this weekend. Looking forward to seeing my home friends again, but I’m really gonna miss my friends in this city. some of them are coming to my home city for cons tho so we’re gonna try to meet up when they’re around :’0
    gylfie
    gylfie
    guess we're leaving tomorrow then
    gylfie
    gylfie
    Hm can’t say it’s a good night, lads!! Cannot say it.
    gylfie
    gylfie
    “I don’t know why you’re having a meltdown over this” yeah sure lemme pull that line on you next time you’re having a ****ing meltdown ‘cause you’re frustrated that a task that should’ve taken a day and a half is taking three.
    if ppl could stop casually outing me as an ace that'd be great
    gylfie
    gylfie
    would i go to pride and paint an ace coloured heart on my cheek? maybe, if my friends wanted me to join them there. otherwise, I'll stick to telling ppl I'm dating (cuz i don't wanna feel like I'm cheating them of a 'real' relationship) or friends i'm comfortable telling. let me come out on my own terms.
    Mystical
    Mystical
    I can't exactly relate, but I think people should be more empathic and I hope things get better for you.
    Reactions: gylfie
    gylfie
    gylfie
    i've been lucky enough that so far i've been outed to people who either weren't pay attention or haven't brought it back up or were like "oh yeah that explains some stuff lol" and are totally cool w it. but yeah it'd be nice if ppl would think about how theres a lot of us that don't want our identity peppered into any random conversation,,
    im constantly exhausted but i can never get myself to go to bed before like 1am and it really sucks. i haven’t even really done much work at home this week!! my class schedule is horrendous right now and idk how to work around it so that im eating at a decent time and getting my work done and sleeping like a real person
    probably strange to say but i feel like a human being for the first time in a long time. like i can go out and hang out with people and not just eat, sleep, draw. i went to see captain marvel (10/10 would recommend) with my bf and it was nice to actually hang out again and be outside of my apartment and also not at school. i keep forgetting that variety is the spice of life and without it, everything starts going grey.
    i don't wanna get my hopes up but like,,,, i feel like this design project is actually kinda going well....... this has gotta be a trap
    gylfie
    gylfie
    djgfdjghf i got approved to clean about 3 seconds ago i literally have an entire week to render this thing and i could probably do it in a day LOL anything to do w life drawing really is the easiest
    gylfie
    gylfie
    hm rendering hair is kinda..weird? i guess its 'cause i haven't rly been taught how to do it properly and just kinda watched part of a youtube video but anyways. almost done. despite the fact that i got approved 6 days ago I'm still working on it the night before. why am i like this
    gylfie
    gylfie
    Done with design possibly forever. It’s like a weight that I’ve had for the past 2 years is off my shoulders tbh
    Finally got to hang out w my boyfriend after at least a full month of drowning in work so that was nice. He bought Chinese food and gave me a late Christmas present which was let’s go eevee. Really sweet but now I feel bad ‘cause switch games are expensive and all I got him was a pair of touchscreen gloves,, he said not to worry about the price or anything but you know I’m gonna do it anyways
    Forgot to pay for parking this morning so I paid when I remembered after class in hopes that they hadn’t checked my car but they did so now I have to pay $75 apparently (doubt I’ll get the $10 back either). Idk if I can appeal it. Mad bc I’ve literally never tried to skip out on paying for parking or forgotten to pay.
    gylfie
    gylfie
    also went to a new orthodontist by myself last week for my shifting tooth and everyone was super nice and I'm getting a new retainer with a pikachu design on it!!
    ehehe the best thing about it is that its gonna be kind of a ****ty pikachu drawing too
    gylfie
    gylfie
    and my dad said fixing the scratch on the car isn't a big deal. everything is gonna be ok
    gylfie
    gylfie
    wire popped again but this time they just took the whole thing off 'cause they figured it was just gonna keep coming off. hurt a lot and my teeth ache just thinking about them scraping off the glue but i guess i don't have to worry abt it anymore at least
    i need to finish cleaning this layout today and I'm not even like 1/10 way there **** **** **** why does this keep happening
    gylfie
    gylfie
    id settle to just finish my layout today and finish my life drawing tomorrow honestly
    gylfie
    gylfie
    i keep glancing at my keyboard and thinking the shift key says **** im that tired. its a mood tho
    gylfie
    gylfie
    legit surprised i haven't had a panic attack over this yet
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