Bad Advice Thread

Rubad Ubdub

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Tell me a problem you have or something you need help with and I'll give you terrible advice on how NOT to handle it.
 

Ape711

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what should my signature be (i couldnt resist)
 

Rubad Ubdub

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what should my signature be (i couldnt resist)
The best signatures are the most welcoming, I believe. Tell people that they have beautiful body features, like "nice forearms" and "beautiful intestines", and remind people that you love them and need them. Also, describe yourself in excruciating detail, including very personal things you normally wouldn't tell people, to show what an open person you are. Finally, include your phone number and email and invite people to engage in conversation with you outside the forum.

If you want, put an image that screams YOU. And there's no better image than YOU. Put yourself in your signature so everybody knows what you look like!
 

Neb

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How do I ask life’s greatest questions?
 

Rubad Ubdub

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How do I ask life’s greatest questions?
What a great question! Seems like you don't need any help with that. Though you might find a better answer if you said "Why do I ask life's greatest questions?" In fact, why don't you just swan dive straight into that giant existential hellhole our species is teetering around uncomfortably and ask "Why am I able to ask life's greatest questions?"

Though if you're looking for a concrete answer, drugs. Lots of drugs.
 

Rubad Ubdub

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What should I do to stop questioning why I'm here?
There's this really fascinating medical procedure that numbs all those pesky, mind racing thoughts called a lobotomy. I'd recommend you bring it up next time you see your doctor.
 

Mirage

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Why am I such an amazing godlike being who everyone should worship and serve?
 

Rubad Ubdub

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Why am I such an amazing godlike being who everyone should worship and serve?
That tends to happen to people who spend too long in the solitude of the consciousness echo chamber. All they hear is themselves. All they feel is themselves. Sometimes it gets so quiet the only thing they can hear is their own heartbeat. They become their own god, bound by the covenant of their will. They become so self absorbed that they see themselves as too godly to actually be themselves, and as a by product become even further separated from themselves and from reality.

The outside is cooler. There's pastries and video games here. It's pretty litty.
 

DeepSeaPrincess

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How do I decide on pizza toppings if everyone says, "Whatever is fine"?
 

Rubad Ubdub

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How do I decide on pizza toppings if everyone says, "Whatever is fine"?
Get the most disgusting toppings you can think of to punish everyone for being indecisive.
 

Rubad Ubdub

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