How do you handle bullying?

Neb

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Whether verbal or physical, most of us have been bullied at least once in our lives. How do you cope/handle bullying?
 

shhmew

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i ignore it or confront the person. this probably wouldn't have worked as a kid (i was too shy anyway) but nowadays if someone is seriously bothering me i'll usually just talk to them and it almost always helps. i try to remember even people who "bully" are people too. Either they don't realize how awful they're being and they make a conscious effort to stop, or talking to them throws them off and they become intimidated and back off LOL. Again, I don't know if this works so well with younger people, i think in a lot of cases if younger people are being bullied they just have to leave the situation if it doesn't improve (which isn't always possible and it makes me feel rly bad for them, but at least it will probably make them stronger at handling situations in the long run).

obviously it doesn't always work with adults either, just because people are adults doesn't mean they're gonna listen or even be mature about it. but another nice thing about being an adult is, worst case if the person doesn't improve, it's often more possible to take responsibility for yourself and find a way to change your situation. you will never have control over other people but you definitely do have control over yourself.

i dont like how many blanket statements i'm making but it's hard to talk about it otherwise, realistically this sort of thing has to be handled case-by-case.
 

Mystical

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Eh. When it can't be helped, I usually just leave. I dislike confrontations, especially with people I don't know very well, like, or trust. Sometimes bullies may not stop even when asked to, and sometimes the rest of people don't really help the situation and instead encourage it. Sometimes people will stop, but not always. I think whether they stop or not shows maturity and tolerance or lack of it. And then sometimes you will get the nice people who show a lot of empathy and will really help.

Also, I may or may not talk about the way I feel to third parties, depending on if I trust those third parties and how much they can do in those situations. They may help stop the bullying or negative situation, or at least act as a moderator in a confrontation.

Also, to be honest, I've never been physically bullied, or been extremely verbally bullied either, so I can't say in those cases, but it makes me sad when people act that way. They can really be causing mental and emotional harm to the person being bullied. My advice would be to work on self-esteem and to at least talk about feelings to a person one can trust.

I found this
https://www.ditchthelabel.org/getting-over-bullying/
 
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Ice_Dragon

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I've never been bullied so I can't really speak from personal experience.

However, I do think that when it happens, it is important to confront the bully. Because if you don't, you'll simply be seen as a pushover and the bullying will only get worse.

Personally, I'd probably try to avoid conflicts but when my back is against the wall, I will fight to protect myself. I hope I never have to, because I don't like hurting people.
 

Godot

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To my knowledge I've only been bullied twice in my life and the first time I don't think any insult had been intended... Memory might not be perfect. I remember being described with a certain word starting with c and end in d (I'm not writing the full word here, because I hate hearing and/or reading it) by a cousin at the age of seven or eight. Didn't know what it meant then, my father expressed disapproval and no relative has called me by anything relating to that word since.


When I was a teenager, I had this "friend" who in hindsight was terrible. So this guy calls me by the derogatory term that the adjective originates from, and if I recall correctly my response was to state my how it felt (probably worth noting that this probably wasn't put in the most polite of terms, people making fun of me for my condition is kind of a berserk button) and never interact with him ever again. So, I guess in my experience it's better if you tell a bully about the effects their actions have and then never interact with them ever again... Can't do that with family, so it's a good thing that they never used that term around me ever again.
 
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Dregran

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I just knuckled down and did my best to move on to a new situation. I don't have any reason to listen to the words of people who only want to bring me down. At that moment in their lives, when they were bullying me, that was their choice. They chose to do something that could cause serious harm to another human. I don't respect that decision, so I don't think they deserve an ounce of my attention.

By ignoring and just walking away too, the bullies eventually got bored and moved on. I didn't take the bait so I wasn't worth making fun of.

What also got me through was the thought that in a few years time, these interactions wouldn't matter. A bully in high school isn't going to be around forever, so I looked forward to the period in my life where I didn't have to go to school, where they wouldn't be a part of my life anymore.

I don't think there's anything I would do differently. I don't think confrontation would be much unless it's a 1-on-1 situation, though even then the teenage mind cares more about being cool than being fair to the kid who's a little bit different. I'd just say to not to give them the pleasure of seeing them get to you.
 

BZWGolem

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Hm, I was always the weird nerdy girl in my school days.
In middle school I actually had some classmates that were as weird as me so I simply tried to spend most of my time with them - this were probably my happiest school memories.

Things weren't that good in elementary and high school, especially high school where I had exactly 0 friends.
Nobody ever beat me up but verbally... ugh. Almost every time I tried to start a conversation I noticed that people avoided me and were ashamed of even being seen with me.
In a way, during those hard times, I created this shell that protected me. It was an introverted, cold, sarcastic, not caring about anything other than my studies armor. The "being smart" part actually at the end of high school kinda helped me survive because people had to at least pretend to be nice to me - to get my math answers/notes.
But really, I even skipped my prom because I didn't want to see this people one additional time.

Good news: my work paid off, I went to an university full of weird and nerdy people like me, made lots of friends, got a great boyfriend which is now may husband and I am happy :happyazurill:

Now that I am an adult I fully use my adult superpowers and when people trouble me.. I ignore them or in extreme cases, change my environment. I do everything I can to break away from toxic people and find my own place in this world. I already changed jobs twice in this search :whistleazurill:

If I had to give some advice -> create a doable plan for your future and sick with it. If it's that bad that you have to escape, escape smartly, plan for it.
Oh - and school ends. That is a wonderful thing. All this stupid school drama will end and you WILL BE FREE.
You can also change jobs.
Or you can move into another city.
Even another country.
The world is very big and there are good places and people, somewhere.
 

Nuuk

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i didnt really get bullied outright but there were definitely not great rumors going around about me, which i couldnt do much about so meh.

bullying doesnt really happen as an adult, typically its just people being mean to you. which typically happens at a customer service job so you kinda just have to smile and be nice and wait til they leave so you can talk about how ****ty of a person they were to your coworkers. and if it's not at your job then its ususally just a stranger you'll never see again. i typically dont say anything if someone is being an asshole, just cause its not really worth it.

any kind of physical bullying in the adult world is illegal as you can call the cops on them for assault lol
 

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I was bullied in middle school and high school (mostly just the people say not-so-nice things about me behind my back). Most of the time, I just try to avoid the conflict but I also still just feel terrible at the same time because my self-esteem was already pretty bad along with my self-confidence.

Best thing to do is to just enjoy your life and to not let things or people that are bothering you affect you too much. In the end, it is just not worth.
 

ninetales

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To be honest, I wish I was positive enough to just try to enjoy life and ignore them, but that just wasn't me back in highschool. To call this girl a bully didn't really seem right, because it was engrained into her personality. A demon from the depths of hell feels more fitting, if I ever see her again it won't go well.

What I did was write a very, very angry and violent letter, but I didn't actually send it. I just released absolutely everything I was thinking and all my anger. That way I didn't have to think about it since it was all on paper. Sometimes I'd hit a punching bag, violence can help as long as you're not actually hurting someone.
 
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smoky

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i got bullied a lot in elementary school and i just kinda ignored it but still knew it happened which caused a lot of my current issues. i guess if people talking about you behind your back is bullying, then i’m still being bullied to this day

lots of people talk **** about me and it makes me feel worthless and kills me inside but idk how to deal with emotions so i just kinda bottle it up until i can’t handle it anymore and scream. i don’t scream a lot, but dear god when i do, i act like a monster. my family witnesses it the most because after bottling it up, if they say something that sets me off (which happens a lot), i’m really set off. it’s really rare nowadays cuz i’ve gotten better at keeping it to myself as the years have gone on

bullying has just kinda made me broken inside. over these past two years, my mental state’s just declined further and further, and bullying definitely is like that wound in me that’s hurting me more and more everyday
 

~Kilza~

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In terms of getting bullied, yeah, I've been bullied. The worst of it came during Grades 3 and 7 for me. Like, I have thankfully blocked this out of my memory, but my Mom did tell me about how I got beat up in Grade 3 so uhhhhhhhhh yeah, that's really all I need to say about that grade. Grade 7 was mostly verbal, but man, I definitely remember crying a lot when I tried to get to sleep and just never wanting to go back to school. After Grade 7 things got better, I think (legitimately just a theory, idk if this happened or not) the school administration actually stepped in and told the bullies to back off of me. Although I know some people were still talking about me behind my back, things kept improving as time went along.

In terms of how I handled bullying back then, poorly. I was shy, so I tried to ignore it as best as I could, but I also had a mean streak and was way worse at handling my emotions, so uh yeah, things were difficult to handle to say the least. If things got to a breaking point I would either tell on the people that were bullying me or do some, well, less than pleasant things.

Nowadays, it's either just ignore or confront the person. It depends on the severity, the situation, the context, how well I know the person, whether it's been going on awhile, how it's affecting me, etc. It really is something that can only be handled case-by-case, as Katey said.
 

seaturtle

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when i was in middle school there were a lot of rumors going around about me and it sucked- i didn't really have any friends, and the few people who i did think were friends ended up being less than ideal. in the end though, i think what brett said about bullying and being treated poorly for being different is correct. it's not permanent, and nothing they say about you is worth the time/attention that they put into it.

when i got into highschool things got a lot better for me, it might have been because i made some great friends who liked me for who i was and i could be myself, or maybe it was just because i didn't care enough about what the "popular" kids though. my best advice for bullying is to work on improving your self esteem and what you think about yourself, because if you're truly happy with who you are, bullies can't do much to you (unless it's physical, which is gonna be illegal or at the very least against school policy). love yourself, and find people who like you for being you.

i also want to say 100% don't bottle things up and deal with bullying on your own- just having friends you can talk to helps so much. you're never alone, but it's easy to feel that way. talk to someone you trust, let them know you're hurting. you're never as alone as you feel, and just getting your feelings out into the open can make them easier to view realistically instead of being trapped in your head. for me at least, i struggle a lot with things being blown out of proportion or feeling like i've messed up when i really haven't, so having someone besides me look at the situation and help me put it into perspective is soooo important.
 

colours

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I used to be really passive because in grade school it was frowned upon and one could even get in trouble for retaliating against a bully which I always thought was stupid. Nowadays though I don't really take **** from people, so I've gotten a lot more confident in standing up for myself.
 
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