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Neb's Essays

Neb

Cosmog Enthusiast
Join Date
Nov 1, 2018
Posts
596
Location
Oregon
AKA
Benjamin, James, Pemderp
Gender
Male
Time Zone
UTC -8 (Pacific Time)
3DS FC
3540-0538-1086
Switch FC
SW-1778-2704-5495
IGN
Benjamin
#1
Welcome to my collection of essays! Here, I talk about hobbies, stuff in my life, and other topics. If you have any feedback or ideas, feel free to share them.

I suppose I should say the main reason why I'm trying to wake up earlier. It's so I can talk to someone. Our time zones are drastically different and it can often be hard to get a hold of her. That's why I'm planning on waking up at four every morning. The other reasons I mentioned are still valid however. I love seeing the sunrise very morning. It's invigorating, exciting, and something I can look forward to every night. One thing that helped me overcome depression was to find something to look forward to. Getting to see the sunrise is a great example of this. If you're dealing with the kind of hopelessness that depression provides, I recommend finding something similar. It could a holiday, a meetup, or anything else with a set date. Big or small anything works.
Another reason is being able to watch anime on my TV. I don't like watching niche things when my parents are around, so having a time when they aren't up makes it much easier. Right now I'm enjoying Tsuredure Children and Zombie Land Saga. Two shows guaranteed to bring a smile.
Lastly, it forces me to not stay up. During these last few Summers, I would stay up until three in the morning and wake up around noon. This was great for the short term, but not the long. I got paler and rarely saw my parents. Not having that social interaction made going back to school harder, and my anxiety spiked. I wished I spent those days outside or at least awake during the day. I could have done something productive, but instead I stayed up playing video games. Taking walks in the morning and having a nice cup of coffee has alleviated that feeling. I feel productive and satisfied.

Had to go to my old school's campus for study hall again. I could feel the glares and smirks from a mile away. Until January, I'll be spending every Tuesday and Thursday doing study hall there. My teachers really want me to return, but I have no intention of going back. The cliques that have bugged me are too influential and I want nothing to do with them. I want a fresh start in a new place with new people. That's why I'll talk about the school I'm going to. To make things easier to write, I'll be calling it X. Of the three high schools in my town, X is the newest. It was built six years ago and it shows. It runs on solar power, relies on natural light, and uses vents to keep the temperature regulated. One of my problems with my old school was how crowded the hallways were. They were 6 feet wide and accommodated 660 students. At X, the hallways go up to 20 feet in diameter and accommodate 900 students. Sure the school is bigger, but at least the hallways were designed for more students. During an IEP meeting I had on Tuesday, the Special Education teacher warned me that X was cliquish. After dealing with cliques for the entirety of middle and high school, I think I can take it. Can't get any worse than it did at the previous school. I actually have experience there. When I was in 7th grade I was an online school student because my parents took me out of my first middle school. To help ease me back into the public school environment, I went to the computer lab at X and worked on assignments. There were some teachers there I could consult and I got to see the school first hand. It was clean to say the least. Every table, chair and inch of floor was perfectly sanitized. Not once did my backpack get that "school" smell. If it isn't obvious, I am really looking forward to this new school. It sounds infinitely better than the crowded nightmare that is my old school. I'm sure I'll run into a couple of unpleasant students, but I'll try to not let them bother me this time.

In my part of Oregon, it snows twice a year. Both storms usually happen between November and January. Just this morning, we got a small flurry around 3 inches deep, a far cry from last year. The storms of 2017 were titled “snowpocalypse,” and for good reason. We got five times the amount of snow than usual and it didn’t melt for a solid month. It got to the point where schools made kids come back despite the fact they were considered school days. Before I moved to rural Oregon, I lived in the part of the state where it’s infamous for it’s rain. In reality, that’s just a stereotype. It is quite rainy during the fall and winter, but once the days get longer, everything changes. The sun clears up and the temperature gets high, and the humidity becomes unbearable. I’ve gotten so used to the dry heat here that whenever I visit urban Oregon, I feel like I’m going to pass out. Aside from the biyearly storms, rural Oregon is also very dry. Lotion sells so well here because of how dry everyone’s hands get. Ever since I moved here, I’ve put lotion on hand whenever I wash them. It prevents them from getting dry and it makes them smell nice. The only issue is that it makes my electronics super slippery. Maybe I should just put lotion on a couple times a day. That way I don’t have to clean them every week.

Today my catch up assignment for health class was to write a reflection on abusive relationships. Inspired by this prompt, I figured it would be a good topic for a journal entry. Keep in mind, this is the most personal, intense subject I have brought up on this website. It has affected me deeply, and because of that I will go all out. For my parent's privacy and my own, I will be referring to them as my birth mom and my other mom. My birth mom is my biological mother, while my other mother is her ex and my legal guardian.

In 1992, my parents met through a shared ex. She had dated both of them at different times, and because of this they became acquainted. Right away my parents felt a connection. They shared many of the same hobbies and core values. Less than a year later, they became legal partners in the state of Washington. As their relationship deepened however, the cracks began to show.

My other Mom has a split personality. She can be one of the most generous people you'll ever meet one minute, and she can be one of the nastiest the next. Her PTSD made her incredibly irritable and when she was mad, she could say the cruelest things. The first big disagreement came from a lack of affection. She was peeved my birth mother didn't give her enough affection and she'd yell at her for it. Instead of cutting the relationship off then, my birth mother held faith she'd get better with time.

Around June of 2001, they agreed to have a child. They got a anonymous donor and artificially inseminated me. Their relationship was still struggling due to poor communication, but they pressed on. I grew up in a lovely home and was given the love I needed. At the age of four, things got worse. Arguments would start up from the pettiest of things, and I got to witness all of it. The yelling, the throwing, the insults, every little bit. I was old enough to process what was going on and it left scars on all of us. My birth mother started self harming, I developed severe anxiety, and my other mom wasn't getting the help she needed. After 26 years, my parents officially ended their relationship in 2014, just before gay marriage became legal in the state of Oregon.

All three of us have received intense therapy and it has paid off. My other mom is much more pleasant, and my birth mother is no longer self harming. I'm still overcoming the anxiety now, however the trauma has leaked into other things. The fear of repeating my parent's mistakes terrifies me, even though I'm not in a relationship. When I talk with the person I like, I constantly apologize and second guess myself. What if I start a disagreement with her and she stops talking to me? It's gotten better as we've talked more, but it's always in the back of my mind.

My anxiety is much better than it has been these last six years, and I hope it will be gone soon. I don't want to continue with these worries, and I don't want it to affect my life any longer.

As our country grows, we need to take precautions on how we handle climate change, our population, and the environment. One example of this is the shrinking amount of space throughout America. Instead of processing our own recycling, we have businesses from China buy it from us. Since they’ve updated their policies, a lot of recycling is simply declined. The recycling is then thrown into a landfill where it piles up. What could be land for houses is instead used for dumps. In Louisiana water is rising rapidly, causing thousands of square miles to be submerged. This massive loss of land will cost much of the country’s seafood production and millions of homes.


By the end of the twenty first century, we will see more people clumped into crowded cities rather than the struggling countryside. “The federal government projects that seas along the U.S. coastline will rise 1.5 to 4.5 feet by 2100,” (Losing Ground). Many people on the coast will have to move inland as their homes become a part of the ocean. This will cause cities to gain millions of new people. “By 2050, there will be so much plastic floating in the ocean it will outweigh the fish,” (Drowning in Garbage). As we dump more and more garbage, sealife will continue to perish. They will get trapped by the waste and be unable to escape. The number of fish species that will go extinct is countless.


If we as a society work together to change our habits, the environmental issues will become a thing of the past. “Changing the rules for what’s allowed on curbside bins could save us from wasting money on sending things to recycling sorting facilities that are most likely going to end up in landfills - at an additional cost,” (Without Chinese Buyers, Northwest Recycling Becomes Trash). Sorting our own waste can increase our chances of the recycling going to the right place. Instead of a landfill, that recycling can be used for something else. There is a $50 billion plan that could protect the Louisiana coast. It would involve building levees, pump sediment into sinking areas, and build divisions on rivers. While congress has been unwilling to pay the project, this could be the plan that saves millions of homes and jobs.


Our world is a constantly changing place. People change and the environment changes. With enough effort, we can the ones that dictate the future.
 
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~Kilza~

A Hockey Boy
Join Date
Oct 28, 2018
Posts
6,596
Location
Edmonton, AB
Gender
Male
Time Zone
MST (UTC-7)
#3
Hey, I just wanna say that it's pretty great that you're willing to be open and post a journal on here. Hopefully you can keep it up!

Anyways, it's definitely concerning how your heart is still racing. I really hope it's nothing serious and that it gets figured out soon.
 

Neb

Cosmog Enthusiast
Join Date
Nov 1, 2018
Posts
596
Location
Oregon
AKA
Benjamin, James, Pemderp
Gender
Male
Time Zone
UTC -8 (Pacific Time)
3DS FC
3540-0538-1086
Switch FC
SW-1778-2704-5495
IGN
Benjamin
#4
Thanks guys, I really appreciate the support. Hope to keep this updated daily.
 

Solar

a downward spiral
Staff Emeritus
Join Date
Oct 23, 2018
Posts
441
AKA
Hunter
#5
Hello Neb

It's really nice that you're publishing your thoughts here on the library, and we don't want to discourage somebody publishing any of their writing no matter how personal this is, but staff is a little concerned that this thread might be more of a collection of status updates rather than a substantial written work. If you are going to be mostly posting small status updates here, this forum might not be be the best place for it, and you might want to keep these on your profile status.

You're not in trouble and we're not locking this thread yet, but please keep this in mind. We would just like this thread to have a little bit more merit, is all.

Thank you!
 

Neb

Cosmog Enthusiast
Join Date
Nov 1, 2018
Posts
596
Location
Oregon
AKA
Benjamin, James, Pemderp
Gender
Male
Time Zone
UTC -8 (Pacific Time)
3DS FC
3540-0538-1086
Switch FC
SW-1778-2704-5495
IGN
Benjamin
#6
@Solar How long should the updates be? Currently, they range from 1-3 paragraphs. I could make them short essays (6-10 paragraphs) if it’s necessary.
 
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Solar

a downward spiral
Staff Emeritus
Join Date
Oct 23, 2018
Posts
441
AKA
Hunter
#7
That would be great. I personally always enjoy reading memoirs, so self reflection work is really nice, there just needs to be a line between formal writing and status updates that's all :happy:
 

Neb

Cosmog Enthusiast
Join Date
Nov 1, 2018
Posts
596
Location
Oregon
AKA
Benjamin, James, Pemderp
Gender
Male
Time Zone
UTC -8 (Pacific Time)
3DS FC
3540-0538-1086
Switch FC
SW-1778-2704-5495
IGN
Benjamin
#8
I tried to expand today's entry a bit. I hope it's a bit better.
 
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Neb

Cosmog Enthusiast
Join Date
Nov 1, 2018
Posts
596
Location
Oregon
AKA
Benjamin, James, Pemderp
Gender
Male
Time Zone
UTC -8 (Pacific Time)
3DS FC
3540-0538-1086
Switch FC
SW-1778-2704-5495
IGN
Benjamin
#9
Added in an essay for my history class. Hopefully it's an interesting read.
 

Bonkenhi

you know how crows hop around?
Staff Emeritus
Join Date
Dec 23, 2018
Posts
53
AKA
George
Gender
Male
Time Zone
GMT
#10
Your last two entries are definitely a step up from the others! Nice one. :)

It's pretty cool that you were actually raised by a same-sex couple, though it was a shame that you all had a tough time of things.

I hope your anxiety gets better too, take care of yourself- I did have a rough period where I used to write practically a blog of things, just to clear my head before I slept. I found it therapeutic, but I guess it depends on the person!
 
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