Over the Rainbow - An LGBTQIA+ Support Club || Show Your Pride!!

Mystical

Dragon Spirit
Rainbow Rocket Grunt
Cult Classic
Join Date
Nov 2, 2018
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996
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Female
Sorry to hear you have to hide that part of you, chris, though glad not everything is bad. And you know it's not permanent and you have people who do accept you and love you.

And same with you, SAF. Glad you're well, and hope your parents can come to understand you and let you make your own choices.

I get it's not always easy, though, because of the background.

I sometimes wish people would just see people as themselves and not box them in labels and roles. For myself, I went into a period of reflection. Not straight out questioning because I know and accept myself (I'm a biological female and that's great. I'm not trans nor I would want to be, but I don't fit into what society thinks a girl should be like. That doesn't mean I'm male, though. I'm just me, with all the different aspects that encompass me. And that's great. That's partly why that's what I put in the 'identity' section). But I have come to accept and recognize that people do differentiate according to those labels. So what can I do to improve that? For starters accept when I have that behaviour or mentality in myself and overcome it and see the labels as secondary. People should not be valued by their gender/sexuality/race/etc but by who themselves are and how they themselves behave.
 
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Biohazard

The Dark Serpent
Rainbow Rocket Grunt
Join Date
Nov 1, 2018
Posts
1,738
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Norway
AKA
Wiktoria
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Other
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UTC +2
I'm gonna to confirm that I see myself as androgynous rather than female.

You guys can both use she/her and they/them, though I prefer they/them.
 
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Mystical

Dragon Spirit
Rainbow Rocket Grunt
Cult Classic
Join Date
Nov 2, 2018
Posts
996
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Female
I have a couple questions. 1. How do you know what you want/who you are? In terms of identity. And 2. How do you tell people? .. especially if you've just gone with the flow your whole life ..
 

shhmew

❤ ❤ ❤
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Oct 28, 2018
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in ur heart
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dunno if that was a general question directed at anybody, but i have never been one to overthink identity or try to find answers regarding it. humans are extremely complicated and that's not really anything scary or confusing to me. and whenever i was questioning any part of myself, it was not something i wanted to announce to people anyway.

not like i don't trust people, i am an incredibly open person, it's more like for me personally saying anything outloud or confirming any part of myself like that feels like i'm putting myself in a box, when in reality i'm always changing and things like identity and sexuality seem very fluid. slapping labels on myself has never been something i was comfortable with, but i know for a lot of people it helps them feel more secure and validated

so i am not much help sadly ;_;
 

smoky

in my head
Rainbow Rocket Grunt
Join Date
Nov 1, 2018
Posts
2,182
1. How do you know what you want/who you are? In terms of identity.
lots of pondering and just figuring out what felt right. takes a long time. took me years myself. but ya like katey said, identity is rlly fluid. we're always changin so dont feel forced to fit urself into a box

And 2. How do you tell people? .. especially if you've just gone with the flow your whole life ..
goin with the flow to tell people is how i did it honestly. dont take it too seriously. like ya u gotta come out and its a big thing, but dont be afraid to make some jokes here and there when u tell people. humor is how i cope with stuff so i always cracked jokes when i came out to people.

am i helpful idrk lol i can elaborate more if u want
 

Mystical

Dragon Spirit
Rainbow Rocket Grunt
Cult Classic
Join Date
Nov 2, 2018
Posts
996
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Female
First off everything is helpful lol so thank you both
Second off yes it was a question directed at everyone and even if it wasn't you can still reply :)

tbh i agree with your view katey. I hadn't allowed myself to really think about it though, I admit I had kind of a narrow view so it's something new I'm discovering/exploring.
 

seaturtle

Go Beyond! Plus Ultra!!
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Chris
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MST
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My personal stance is that it's less important to find a term or label that describes who/what you are than it is to just learn to explore yourself and find what makes you the most happy. Labels in general can be helpful because they make it easier to identify yourself and relate to other people, but I feel like a lot of the time people focus too much on the terms instead of themselves. Identity and sexuality are more of a spectrum on a personal level than a set thing.

100% agree that taking time to be you and pondering how you feel about things is the best way to go about it. There's no right or wrong answer, the most important thing is that you are you. Personally I kinda always felt attracted to other guys but I didn't really start to understand it until middle school, and even then I wasn't confident in my sexuality until my last year of high school. On top of that, people are different so it's not like there's any right or wrong time to discover something new about yourself - like Kaleb said, people are changing all the time, so even if you might have felt one way in the past that doesn't mean you have to feel that way right now.

On the subject of telling other people, I think that it's really somethin' you've gotta decide for yourself. A really helpful thing for me was going to school and being able to kinda "start fresh" since people didn't know any differently about me. I still struggle with the idea of telling family or friends from my hometown about my identity, but I think that's fine, too. What's most important is that you're confident in yourself and who you are, and that you're willing to share that with other people. It might come a little bit at a time, with you telling a few close friends, or maybe you just announce it to everyone. I think that exploring your concerns and worries can help you identify what's important to you when it comes to telling other people about yourself.
 

Dregran

Shocking Trainer
Staff Emeritus
Rainbow Rocket Grunt
Join Date
Oct 24, 2018
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1,338
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Sinnoh
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UTC +10
I don't hold any value to sexuality. You like what you like. Nothing else really matters in the end.

As far as gender goes, I'm pretty traditionally-minded when it comes to gender roles. I'm okay with what's expected of me as a male - I think that's something everyone has to come to terms with. I think as long as you're internally okay with your identity though, other people's opinion about you really shouldn't matter. Nowadays it's far more acceptable to exist outside of related gender role, though I guess it depends where you live.

Just be you my dudes and do your best to be positive.
 

chidzz

Rookie Trainer
Rainbow Rocket Grunt
Join Date
Nov 26, 2018
Posts
40
Location
Sydney
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Male
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AEST (GMT+10)
So I had a really uncomfortable experience last week that I need to rant about and get some advice on.

I was at a house party with some of my really good mates from uni. At one point in the night one of my friends (a dude) was on the floor in the corner crying. Me and another mate (a girl) tried to console him in the bathroom where he talked about his depression, self-harm, suicidal thoughts, etc. he was pretty drunk at that point but he seemed to calm down and after half an hour it seemed like nothing had ever happened.

Towards the end of the night, I had also gotten very drunk and I slumped onto the couch really dazed. That same friends sat next to me (there was no one else in the room) tried to pash me. My reaction time was obviously delayed and it was a few seconds before I pulled away and left the room without saying a word. It was at that point where my mind gets really fuzzy and I black out. I come back into consciousness probbaly an hour later into a room with mattresses laid out where we were gonna crash. Just before I pass out, my mates were asking me if I was ok because I spent the hour in the bathroom (with that friend) apparently spewing. I knew I wasn't sick because I never do when I drink, and whenever I spew, I can feel it for a while afterwards in my throat. I brushed it off, then went to sleep.

I had a really rough sleep that night and kept waking up. Every time I'd wake up, I'd feel my friend's hand on my body. Everytime I felt it, I'd move away and fall back asleep, but it kept happning the whole night and morning that we were asleep. He was awake, but thought I was sleeping. At one point he had his hand underneath my shirt, rubbing my back and making way for my waistband. As soon as he grabbed my waistband and started pulling, I moved away.

When we woke up, I tried to avoid him but he and I (and another friend) had a three hour journey back home together (we live in the same area). It was a bit awkward and we were alone for a solid 25 minutes where he just said "sorry if I did anything weird yesterday while drunk". He kinda half laughed. I dont know if he knows I know what he did or he thinks I was to blacked out to remember,

Anyway, my question is what do I do from this point? I have to see him this week at uni. I'm a straight guy. Granted, I do have thoughts about other dudes, like I can appreciate a cute looking guy, but this is a bit full on. Am I wrong to feel uncomfortable by this? I don't think I have the guts to confront him, especially because of what he said about his depression and stuff like that. I also dont want him thinking I'm homophobic or whatever. idk guys help me please!!

EDIT: Just realised this may be a bit awkward/difficult to respond to seeing as none of y'all actually know me and I'm not to active on the forums, But hoping I can also make some friends on here as well as get some advice.
 
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Mystical

Dragon Spirit
Rainbow Rocket Grunt
Cult Classic
Join Date
Nov 2, 2018
Posts
996
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Female
First off, being homophobic and having boundaries are two different things. Regardless of gender he shouldn't have done what he did and you have a right to privacy.

I may reply more later.

Edit- ok since no one else replied. And keep in mind I have no real experience with this-- I think you have two options.

1- pretend it didn't happen or you don't remember. Pros- avoids any awkwardness. Cons- doesn't really sound like you're taking care of your own feelings plus you leave yourself open for the guy to try something like that again.

2- confront the guy (you can do so in a tactful way) Pros- you're expressing how you feel and letting the guy know that wasn't ok. There's a smaller chance of that or anything similar happening again. Cons- the guy may have been too drunk to remember / he may say that.

Personally recommend option two and you can avoid the cons of it if you're tactful/assertive.

Whatever you choose though, good luck.

Also, you can PM me if you want or just ask whatever you want here.
 
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chidzz

Rookie Trainer
Rainbow Rocket Grunt
Join Date
Nov 26, 2018
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40
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Sydney
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AEST (GMT+10)
@Mystical thanks for the reply. I saw him for the first time today since it happened and I just felt very awkward and uncomfortable to speak to him. I couldn't look him in the face the whole day so I've kinda been banking on option 1 at the moment. I just want to crawl in my shell and die a little every day I have to face him, but I tend to keep myself occupied enough not to think about it outside of uni. Still though, I think this is one of those things you never thought would happen to you but now that it did, I'm kicking myself for letting it happen.

On a brighter note, just want to give a shout out to the community. Love and peace to you guys! Y'all are awesome.
 

Amethyst

Rookie Trainer
Join Date
Feb 9, 2019
Posts
37
Gender
Female
Yay! I am glad this club is here, too.

Username: Amethyst
Pokémon to represent you: Umm... Hitmonchan? I guess?
Preferred pronouns (optional): She/Her
Identity (optional): Transgender, Queer.

To the topic at hand: chidzz, what your friend did was over several lines, and was not okay. Thinking that, even voicing it, is not being homophobic. If you were as drunk as you say you were, then you could not provide consent to any of his actions. I would suggest talking to a therapist if you have one, and maybe looking for one if you do not. Also, while I am by no means a trained therapist, I am happy to listen, and will hold things in complete confidentiality (this goes for every member of this group, really). If you can manage to do so, I would take some time away from this friend just to collect your thoughts. Finally, you have nothing to feel ashamed for, and you didn't do anything wrong. We support you, and we are here for you.
 

omnihelios

New Trainer
Join Date
Sep 12, 2019
Posts
6
Location
Italy
Gender
Male
Time Zone
CET
3DS FC
0018-1078-6902
IGN
Manuel
Love to see Solar's stellar work live on, thank you for this club seaturtle! May I join in?

Username: omnihelios
Pokémon to represent you: Torchic
Preferred pronouns: he/him
Identity: cis gay guy
 
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