how's everybody been? Today was okay for me, it was basically just school though. I woke up at 3 am, did math homework till 11am, went to school, got out of class at 7:40pm and here i am now. Blasting Chop Suey by System of a down at full volume into my skull
i felt so miserable all day today. just the general feeling of living and having to be a functional person in society was too much for me. i wanted to call my mom to pick me up and say i had a stomach ache (eventually i did get one but i think it was just me wanting to go home so bad that my body was like "hah ye lets give him one so he cant function properly lol") but i didnt and i was just sad and mopey all day
there were so many parts of the day where i just had to fake it till i make it or whatever and it got so bad by last period and i just wanted to hide in the bathroom the entire time. it's not a smart idea but it was a consideration for a while. algebra was hard to sit through too. i already dont pay attention or do any of my homework and today we took a big test and i totally failed it and i was stressin so hard over it. and then add the already ****ty day on top of it and i was just not doin great <:3
by the time i got home, i was fine and whatever but then i tried working on homework for the first time in forever and i hated every second of it so i stopped working on it and im gonna have to be content with getting another ****ty grade in those classes oops. i got really tempted to kill myself tonight and i was so close to doing it and i still keep thinking about it. i hope i'll be able to sleep tonight bc i got school in the morning reeee
anywaysss sorry for always havin really sad and depressin updates i know it's not fun to read or anythin so i try to kinda keep it short. i hope everyone else is doin good rn
A warm and big welcome to Chloe and Paris! I apologize for not welcoming you two sooner; I had a very busy day today. But, nonetheless, I'm very happy to see you two become a part of this important club! I hope you get all that you two are looking for in this club :)
Edit: @Chloe and Paris: Now that I finally updated the club, I have something I wanna share before I go to sleep and forget about it. I heard about DID before (although I knew it as something else), but I never really "sunk my teeth into it", so to speak, and understood it. Part of why my day was so busy was because I took the time to do tons of research so I could better understand it, and I think I have a good enough grasp on it now (at least I hope so). There was this very popular video I watched on YouTube that explained it in such a way that I actually could relate to it in some degree. Now, I don't have DID, but, the way it was explained was so good that I could relate to it a little bit. So, thanks for inspiring me to learn something very important. Hopefully you can teach us more about your personal experience with DID. If not, then don't worry; we'll all try to understand you two the best we can. You two are also the very first I met, so I apologize in advance if there are times when I don't understand you two, but I'll try my best to understand always. Again, welcome!
I can truly relate to you right now. All I can say is that I love you, and even though we don't talk much, I view you as a precious friend of mine. You have so much potential, even more potential than me. Always rely on your friends to help you, and we will.
I've never met a DID person before, and really don't know as much about it as I do others. I know it's not at all like TV, but I'm not too familiar with it or how persons interact with each other. I hope I can learn more about it and the both of you with time:)
Despite all the stress of helping my dad and stepmom move from Texas to Ohio, I'm actually really proud of myself. My sleep is ok, not perfect but ok, and I'm handling the stress really well. I've spent time with a high school friend over the past weekends, and knowing I still have a friend has really helped me cope with all of my crap. I know I'll never really get over how much others hurt me, but I can move on and forgive them to the best of my ability. I'm learning how to accept my flaws and good points, and am starting to see where I really can go. I'm past a third of my weight loss goal (gone down around 2-3 sizes in clothes), and looking like I'll be at my healthiest weight by the end of the year. I'm pretty proud of myself.
@smoky Wow, I'm really sorry to hear that things went that badly for you. It really can hurt when you feel so terrible to the point where you can't even properly do what you need to. There have been times in school that I felt like that and even at work. I honestly don't know what else to say except I only have the best to wish you. ):
@DeepSeaPrincess Good to see that you're in a more proper shape! Meeting with old friends is always nice, and so is it that you've managed to trim your size down, too. Wherever you'll be able to go, I hope it's somewhere good. You're one of the most important people to me on this site and I have the highest of hopes for you!
I don't think so either. My mom has always been especially frustrating and has a tendency to point out things I'm doing wrong or just imperfections on my body that I really don't want pointed out, and sometimes, it just puts me in a depressive mood like I'm not doing anything right. That and like Mudkip_Mishchief, I also spent a lot of time cooped up inside, mainly just talking to people online or doing stuff online, so I didn't get out a lot. My mom was always super paranoid about something happening to me or people not showing up or whatever, and it was just super frustrating. She's not as bad now because I think she's finally realizing "okay, she's an adult now, she can handle herself, I can let go a little bit and she'll be fine," but she's still kinda overprotective. I'm kinda at a point now where I'm just like "ok well, I'm an adult now and I'm gonna do it anyways if I want to," and she just kinda accepts it. It's more "hey, I'm gonna do this" and she's like "are you sure you wanna do that???" and I just say I'm gonna do it anyways (assuming I don't realize it's a terrible idea). But really me not getting out a lot has made me feel like I don't have a lot of friends irl and just kinda screwed me over socially. I was able to join clubs and organizations when I was in school, but I still just felt super left behind socially and now I think I'm kinda paying for it now in a way since I'm older and don't really get out much with friends.
nah. usually parents just care and are trying to protect and nurture their kids in the way they think is best, and in a lot of cases the kids thank them with hindsight after becoming adults, but at the same time parents can make truly truly awful decisions that really tear apart their children... either way it is valid to be heavily affected by what your parents do. it's always best to try to be more positive about it until you can stop relying on them and do your own thing, but it's easier said than done, especially in more extreme circumstances..
if this is relevant to yourself i wish you the best):
My best friend turned 18 a couple weeks ago, and yesterday he was informed that he had a week to move out. He's not even graduated from high school yet..I'm really scared for him. The truck he drives is in his name, so he'll be able to live out of that at least for a while. There's no way I could take him in though I wish I could. He's gonna have to get another job probably.
Wow Mudkip, that's scary.
If it helps, tell him you know someone who went through a similar situation. 2017 I left Texas to get out of a situation I was miserable in. I was about to turn 18, no money, no job, nothin. Didn't have any idea if my Grandparents would let me stay, if they hadn't I probably would have had to find a place. It was a struggle and I wish I'd been even better, but I have no regrets even if I struggled. I also know others who had to move out suddenly. If he keeps his chin up, works hard, keeps an eye on his finances, and has good people around him, he'll get through, I know it!
@SAF No, it's pretty normal in abusive, difficult, or controlling relationships. It's a large cause of adolescent depression to my knowledge. It's why I have depression, actually. I don't feel comfortable going to deep into detail, but a depressed and abusive household is...not a good place for a kid to grow up.