Peace Of Mind - A Mental Health Club

OceanMaster

Regular Trainer
Rainbow Rocket Grunt
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Mar 27, 2019
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102
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Isiac, Ocean
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Isiac
Username: OceanMaster
Nickname: Ocean; Isiac
Gender: male
Image to represent you: I dont have one, just anything will do though :)
Adversity: not sure what the technical name is, but I consider it self doubt.
Other: strength of heart
 

Vivid Stardust

~ Like Stars In The Sky ~
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I’m a little angry and upset right now....

So I had to read a book for my Rhetoric class - Man’s Search For Meaning by Victor Frankl, and the second half of the book honestly pissed me off. I’ve probably mentioned this before, but one of my main issues is my perfectionism and my constant feeling that I’m not enough or not trying hard enough. This basically happens with everything. Haven’t finished a Pokémon game since Black 2? I’m not trying hard enough or training hard enough in the game. Doing well in school? I’m still not trying hard enough, because I keep getting distracted from schoolwork. Still haven’t finished writing a novel or a song because I’m busy, among other reasons? I’m not trying hard enough, and I’m not good enough at writing or music anyway. Going to therapy? I’m not trying hard enough to recover from my anxiety and depression issues, and all of my problems are my fault. I know I shouldn’t think this way, but I still end up thinking and feeling this way.

Because of this, I hate it when people talk about how people with mental health issues should just “change their attitudes”, and everything will be better. And that popped up in the latter half of the book I mentioned; Frankl says that being mentally healthy relies on a positive attitude and finding a meaning for your life.

And that just feels like a slap in the face.

Saying that is victim-blaming, for one thing. You seriously think I want to have depression and anxiety and ADHD and some of the issues that come with ASD? You seriously think I can change the fact that I lose things constantly and can’t focus for crap with a positive attitude? You think executive dysfunction can be fixed by finding your purpose in life? Seriously?! On top of that, nobody ever tells you how to change your attitude. You’re supposed to already know, apparently. Frankl kept talking about how finding the meaning of your life is what will get you out of your funk, but what if you’re just as miserable when you find it? Even if it works, how the hell are you supposed to figure the meaning of your own life out?! You’re pressuring us to know everything in order to live a fulfilling life, and that’s impossible! Yes, we are the ones who choose our own fate, but that doesn’t mean that we know what all the options are! Sometimes, the options we know are good for us feel impossible to choose or impossible to do due to executive dysfunction. That’s not playing the victim; it’s a literal fact. Just because I know I need to take a shower doesn’t mean I can actually make myself do it when I need to.

...Sorry. That was really bitter.

On top of that, I’m still having focus issues, even though I’m off of the Prozac. I don’t know what to do about it at this point....

Guess who’s playing more Ultra Sun to cope tonight?
 
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Felly

not in love tonight
Rainbow Rocket Grunt
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I truly wish it was as simple as "change your attitude." But it's not, it's really not.

There are days where I'm negative towards myself. I get frustrated because I'm not doing things right and I blame myself. I make myself out to be this awful person that I'm not. And getting out of that rut isn't as simple as just flipping a switch and saying "ok I'm not this way at all;" some days it may be that simple, if I'm not that deep into it, but not always. It takes time and patience and saying "okay, maybe instead of saying I'm an awful person because I'm not getting stuff done, I should figure out what I can do to get stuff done better so I feel like I'm accomplishing something." Turning the defeatist attitude into action is what helps me. Focusing on something that isn't my defeatist attitude helps. I guess that kinda is "changing my attitude," but it's not as simple as flipping a switch, imo. It's more of a process, and I feel like that's not what this Frankl person is getting at. (And of course, what works for me doesn't always work for others.) I definitely feel like just saying "change your attitude" is not the right thing to say at all, especially if someone's not saying how to do it or at least giving suggestions on getting out of the rut you're in. You don't have to literally help the person and play games with them or whatever to help them, but something as simple as "hey, maybe try writing a couple paragraphs a day of your story may help you out" or "hey, I found this really cool thing you might be interested in, here's a bunch of links to look at it" or something like that.

A person has to find their own happiness, but just because they're happy doesn't mean they're okay. It can be easy to put on a smile and make people think you're happy, but there's a difference between what you're showing on the outside and what you're feeling inside. But just saying "change your attitude" and offering no assistance in doing so isn't really helpful.
 

Vivid Stardust

~ Like Stars In The Sky ~
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@Felly I agree with all of that! I think the important thing when it comes to helping people with their issues is not only telling someone what they should try to do, but also showing them how to do it or helping them do it. That’s not to say that I want a therapist to hold my hand when I’m doing things to fix my issues. I just need more detailed instructions and suggestions, with clear explanations, and I need to be clear on what I’m doing. If what I’m supposed to be doing is vague in any way, it’s hard for me to do it, period, regardless of what it is. Broad suggestions with no explanation on how to do them proposed as “cure-alls” just don’t make sense in my head, and they feel impossible to do.

Even if it’s just other people saying, “Hey, I think you’re pretty great, and you work hard!”, that helps me more than the whole “just change your attitude” thing because while it doesn’t change my thoughts about myself, it does make me feel better knowing that there’s friends that will support me and care about me. It’s something where I think, “At least I have good friends.”

Your response helped me feel better about the whole thing, though. Thank you.
 

Rockie

Dark Envoy
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Frankl says that being mentally healthy relies on a positive attitude and finding a meaning for your life.
Its unfortunate that the big problem with mental health is that a lot of the time, you willfully cannot have a positive attitude, so his ideas don't necessarily help. I know when I feel like garbage I sure as hell don't think to myself "Oh looks like I'll just need to be positive for a while!". Course it's good to stay positive if you can, everyone knows that, but when in a negative state of mind, even if you wanted to, that's not what you'll be thinking about immediately. I definitely understand your frustration.
“At least I have good friends.”
Friends are the most important factor in growing if y'ask me, even if it sounds cheesy. Frankl's viewpoints only look like they account for being self-sufficient, but if you do want to 'change your attitude' you're going to need close friends or family to do it.
I have few friends so this forum's doing well for keeping me steady, I like everyone here after all.
 

Luke Strife

"Long live the king."
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I'll throw my two pennies into this and say that yeah, if it wasn't for my friends, I honestly don't know where I'd be. Struggling to keep my head above water, I'm sure. A strong support base is key to not only recovery, but even just for existing on a daily basis.
 

DeepSeaPrincess

Pretty Voice
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Athena/Sirena Usually
Username: OceanMaster
Nickname: Ocean; Isiac
Gender: male
Image to represent you: I dont have one, just anything will do though :)
Adversity: not sure what the technical name is, but I consider it self doubt.
Other: strength of heart
Welcome in, I'll add you right away! I hope you don't mind your profile picture being used.

I want to contribute to this conversation but I'm so tired my brain can barely focus on it right now, so I'll edit in my thoughts when I can actually collect them enough to do so.
 

RaptorDMG

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Stephen
Username: RaptorDMG
Nickname: Stephen
Gender: Male
Adversity (optional): Aspergers
Image to represent you: Profile picture
Other: I'm sort of socially ******ed
Strength of heart
 
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DeepSeaPrincess

Pretty Voice
Join Date
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Inside A Fairy Tale
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Athena/Sirena Usually
Username: RaptorDMG
Nickname: Stephen
Gender: Male
Adversity (optional): Aspergers
Image to represent you: Profile picture
Other: I'm sort of socially ******ed
Look at the front page again, you're missing something!
 

Felly

not in love tonight
Rainbow Rocket Grunt
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Friends are the most important factor in growing if y'ask me, even if it sounds cheesy. Frankl's viewpoints only look like they account for being self-sufficient, but if you do want to 'change your attitude' you're going to need close friends or family to do it.
I have few friends so this forum's doing well for keeping me steady, I like everyone here after all.
I don't even think it has to be friends or family to change your viewpoints or to help you grow. Even experiences can do it for you. Like for me, I've been working in a retail environment for the past 8 months, and it's definitely taught me to be a lot more patient with people, especially when they're getting frustrated and you're getting frustrated. (Sometimes, it just takes a deep breath. A really, really deep breath. sometimes it just requires a drink after work) But I do think friends and family are important in growing and changing your views, I just don't think it's the only thing.

I'm glad this forum's helping you out though! I can relate a little bit; I joined here after leaving a group of toxic people who I'd once considered friends, and being here has been like a breath of fresh air, so to speak. When I joined, I was struggling a lot emotionally and mentally, and I was pretty much just work, work, work, and no play (which made me a dull girl). It didn't help that I also lived in a toxic environment. But I've been out of that for a few months now, and I've been a lot happier being here and out of that toxic living environment than I was all of last year. I've definitely felt like I've made the right choice in calling Marilland my new internet home because I feel like I've been growing more as a person being here and I've been a lot happier here than I ever really was with the toxic people I used to surround myself with.
 

shhmew

❤ ❤ ❤
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i completely agree. it helped me to be less bitter when i think of people who impacted me negatively as actually impacting me positively - everything we experience is a lesson or a challenge that will help us grow stronger. every single person i have interacted with at length (even some i only interacted with briefly) has taught me something very important, even if we didn't stay close. so i'm thankful for all of them.
 

Rockie

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The person you end up is built up with experiences, even the bad ones, so I have to agree. There's definitely more factors than just friends/family, I just believe having the support is really important for making the next steps, and such.

Hh while I'm here I may as well have a ramble about my stupid dumb life before I start screaming at unreal engine again.
If I wasn't ill all the damn time I wouldn't be in the mess I'm in now. I struggled to get to a lot of my classes because of problems with my stomach and anxiety for a lot of this semester at uni, and two of the three modules I'm doing this semester are completely new things I've never used before. Naturally, struggling to make it to classes means I missed a lot of explanations in lectures and the like, so I focused on the third module and finished that with flying colours at least. Now I have a month left until my two projects for Asset Creation and Prototyping are due, I'm god awful at 3d Modelling, Texturing and using UE4 in general, none of my teachers have replied to my emails, Easter break starts this Friday for 3 weeks so I won't be able to get their help.

I spent 3 hours trying to get something to work for prototyping last night, I didn't get distracted once I sat and worked the whole 3 hours and I learned nothing and made no progress. Everyone in my class seemed to pick up Unreal without even trying, course I don't know who's used it before and who hasn't but this course is meant to be open to people that've never used any software like this before, and the fact that everyone seems so good at it makes me feel humiliatingly incompetent.

I almost want to drop out but I refuse. I tried so hard and passed first year on a different course that I didn't even enjoy. I set everything up in only about a month so that me and 3 friends could rent an actual house next year instead of living in student accommodation. I talked to my Project Management teacher about being a Lead for the big group project next year. If I fail this year all of that is gone.
If I want to pass both my modules it looks like Easter break isn't going to be much of a break.

That's all that's going on with my dumb ass, anyway.
 

shhmew

❤ ❤ ❤
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): hang in there rockie. it is entirely possible a lot of other people are struggling but just not showing it. you could ask your professor for help, or if he's not explaining it in a way that clicks with you, you could try looking up help online, like for example i'm a very visual learner so if an instructor of mine explained something without visuals i often looked up videos online to help me figure it out. everyone learns differently, you're not dumb or stupid or terrible i promise. also!! please make sure you make at least a little bit of time to relax with hobbies or talk to friends, that's just as important as working hard so you don't run out of energy. my PMs/DMs are always open too. it'll be ok no worries. here is a good luck tulip. 🌷
 

Rockie

Dark Envoy
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): hang in there rockie. it is entirely possible a lot of other people are struggling but just not showing it. you could ask your professor for help, or if he's not explaining it in a way that clicks with you, you could try looking up help online, like for example i'm a very visual learner so if an instructor of mine explained something without visuals i often looked up videos online to help me figure it out. everyone learns differently, you're not dumb or stupid or terrible i promise. also!! please make sure you make at least a little bit of time to relax with hobbies or talk to friends, that's just as important as working hard so you don't run out of energy. my PMs/DMs are always open too. it'll be ok no worries. here is a good luck tulip. 🌷
Ah tthanks shhmew I've definitely calmed down since this morning thankfully. I often have to look up help and stuff online and usually it gets me started but sometimes things just aren't explained and leave me hopelessly confused as when I started.
I ended up going to the lecture for this class today and the teacher that actually replies to his [censored]ing emails took the lecture today, and after hearing the basics of what I need to pass I feel a lot less scared of failing.
Im often told I should make time to relax but I always feel like I do that too much. That being said I'll be forced to take breaks in the holidays because my friends are coming up to stay over a few nights, so it looks like I dont have a choice haha.
Thanks kindly for the words of encouragement, you're a wonderful person. Also, I will keep this tulip in my inventory.
 

Neb

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On this trend of handling things better, I wasn’t bothered by a guy heckling me from his car!
I was walking home from the library after studying when a teenage boy about my age stuck his head out of his car and called me a “*****.” Not long after, he parked at the nearby skate park and walked off with the person he was driving with. He looked about my age, had blonde hair, and wore a leather jacket with ripped jeans. Knowing he was trying to get a rise out of me, I kept a poker face the entire time. Why should I get mad at someone who is clearly only bothering me to feel better about himself?

I’m really happy about developing a thick skin like this. I feel like I can handle anything.
 

Vivid Stardust

~ Like Stars In The Sky ~
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Okay, how does one convince themselves that they aren’t a horrible person for getting distracted and not working on homework all day?

Let’s just say that I ended up forgetting to eat for most of the day, not doing homework, and planning/making lists related to creative projects. My room’s a mess, I haven’t even gotten dressed, and I have a book review due Monday and a short writing assignment due by the end of the day tomorrow. I feel awful....
 

Neb

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@Vivid Stardust Even if you mess up one day, there is always another where you can try again. One way you could stay focused while working on homework is going somewhere quiet like a library or park and only bringing your assignments. I’d also suggest putting your phone on silent if you can so you aren’t hearing any notifications. If you’re like me and get distracted by background noise, earplugs can do wonders.
 

Felly

not in love tonight
Rainbow Rocket Grunt
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When I was in school, I found rewarding myself helped a lot for me. I told myself "Okay, if I do this assignment, I can play a game or two of League!" or "if I finish this assignment, I can play League for the rest of the night until I have to go to bed." If I hadn't ate yet and I needed to do something still, I'd tell myself "okay, get a draft of it done, and then go eat, and then come back and look it over after you've ate something." Basically, it was do X assignment and reward myself with X activity. Really lengthy assignments, I'd try to break up into parts over several days that way I wasn't trying to do everything all at once, and I could still reward myself with more fun activities too. If I really put an assignment off till the last minute and I was really stressing about it or I felt myself burning out from doing it, I would step away for a little bit and do something else that was more fun for a little bit until I felt ready to come back to it.

Music also helped a lot, tbh. I didn't always have music playing when doing assignments because it would distract me, but if I was out at school and trying to work on stuff, I found music to really help me focus more on my assignments and not so much on what was around me.
 
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