Peace Of Mind - A Mental Health Club

Biohazard

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@Neb that's great to hear!! having a positive self-image is important
 

Dregran

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@Vivid Stardust Your next semester sounds exciting! Sounds like you've been through a rough semester but you've come out the end of it - that makes you stronger because you got through it. I'm happy you're excited about the future!

@Neb That's super heartening to hear. Staying positive is really hard but I know you can do it.
 

Vivid Stardust

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@Neb I believe in you! Getting through school when you have no friends is rough, but you can do it!

@Dregran Actually...the game theory class I was really looking forward to got cancelled. I got an email about it on Tuesday, and I got confirmation today. I’m really sad about it, especially since it probably won’t be offered for another three semesters. I still get to take some really interesting classes, though, and I’m excited about those classes!

I’ve been feeling really numb and all over the place since the semester ended, actually. I know I should be doing something like working on my goals or something, but I’m struggling with getting myself to do that. I don’t even know where to start. It’s a bit overwhelming. I just want to figure out what I’m doing but I feel...blocked, I guess.

Also, tips on not coming across as rude or aggressive? I tend to come off that way, and I don’t know how to fix it.
 

smoky

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@Neb i wish i could say the same. you’re really strong and i admire that a lot about u

as for me, still the usual failing three of my classes, not being able to go to school a lot bc i legitimately can only force myself out of bed to get food and to shower, etc. i’m really happy that it’s winter break bc now i can just relax and not worry about school. it’s been a lot for me to force myself to go to school and i’m just kinda back in that sad sack thing i was dealing with for the past couple months

really out of it rn and i just kinda wanna sleep for all of my break and never leave my room. i just have this part of me where i feel like i’m distancing myself from reality and life if that makes any sense
 

shhmew

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Also, tips on not coming across as rude or aggressive? I tend to come off that way, and I don’t know how to fix it.
big same. I haven't noticed that from you, but my issue with it comes thru loud and clear to people. A few years ago I used to be very gentle and easygoing, now people say I can come across rude, aggressive, confrontational... I think I've just gotten numb and stopped caring what people think, but that's obviously no excuse for hurting people. it's weird because I feel a lot more mentally secure these days, but I still think I'm a sack of garbage so I guess that's how I act.

For me what helps is identifying what puts me on edge / stresses me out and handling that directly. basically going after the roots of the issue because simply snipping off the leaves will not stop it from growing back. taking control of your life and making positive changes is HUGE, especially when they're scary changes. it takes a lot of motivation so when you do it, it gives a confidence boost and puts you in a much better state of mind.

for me I need to find a more long-term way to love myself, because when I feel at peace with myself, I feel at peace with the rest of the world, and that's the best feeling. a step i've been taking is reconnecting with people i love who i know love me too and make me feel like a good person.
 

DeepSeaPrincess

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I'm sorry that so many people are struggling...I hope all goes well soon.

And Bunnie, welcome in!
 

Bunnie

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thank you, Athena ^^

i hope everyone has lovely holidays!
 

seaturtle

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tbh the holidays have been weird for me..... i keep feeling peaceful and doing great and then BAM suddenly i'm hit with a wave of anxiety, sadness, or frustration

tbh the past month or so has been rough for me in general, lots of change and lots of uncertainty. rn it feels like everything is coming to a head, with good things and scary things all flying around so fast it's hard for me to keep myself together sometimes. on christmas eve i watched a movie with friends and ended up falling asleep, but woke up and couldn't sleep at all....... so i just listened to songs that i love dearly and kinda just cried for a while. things are rough sometimes........ but it'll be ok. things always work eventually.
 

Dregran

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@Vivid Stardust Make goals towards making goals. Think about what you'll do to make sure you follow through, think about where you'll write them down (on a decorated page in your diary, on your noticeboard, etc.). That helps me. When I'm getting too worked up about something I plan about how I'll get myself into that situation.

As far as coming off as rude or aggressive: that's literally me. I use words like "I think" or unnecessarily add "imo". I did use emotes at one point in time but I just don't roll with emotes anymore. I do my best to make it clear I'm not angry or being rude, I just say things a certain way. Some people don't like that, and that's just the way the world goes.

My mental health has been great recently. Not really riding a high, just staying neutral and accepting the things that are happening in my life.
 
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Mirage

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@Bubba: Just keep on keeping on my friend! It makes me happy to see you pushing through it and keeping that positive attitude. And if you do break down, you have us to talk to :)

On the rude/aggressive topic: I'm one of those people where, if pushed a certain way, I can come off aggressive and even disrespectful. Now, I value other people's feelings, but there are moments where the truth has to be said in order to find solutions and make progress. I value truth more than I value people's emotions, and if I have to sacrifice something, well then guess what I'm sacrificing? I guess you can say that I'm one of those brutally honest people. But that's the magic of the internet: talking to people online gives me the time to properly think about what I need to say in those moments so I can get the best of both worlds. It's in real life that I find myself in those moments because I simply can't think fast enough because of my autism. I do my best to avoid those moments, and for the most part, I generally succeed in that. Knowing that other people are similar to me does help me. It helps me to know that I'm not some insensitive monster I think I am some days, and that the other people that are like me are awesome people, like Brett. It just sucks that I can't be how I am online in real life and it bums me out sometimes.
 

smoky

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i’m not sure why i feel like posting again but here i am

a lot of people keep noticing how i’m getting really distant and my mom was bugging me one day when i was being a bit of a ***** bc she wanted to know what’s wrong with me but i didn’t wanna talk about it so i kept saying i’m tired. i was at a water park with my cousins these past two days and i was feeling really bleh while we were there and kinda wanted to hide under a blanket in our hotel room until we went to the waterpark and my cousin kept bugging me and asking what was wrong. i kinda feel like everyone wants to help me with whatever, but idk how to tell people what i’m going through?? it’s hard enough to talk about it online bc i hate ruining moods or whatever bc im an emotional wreck. i also feel like i’ve been distancing away from marriland (and honestly, everything and everyone) lately and i’ve just been trying to escape the world. i hate it. i hate it so much. i hate living in the world. i hate feeling like **** everyday. i hate that no matter how happy i get, something comes along to make me feel like **** again

i really wanna disappear from the world. without a single forewarning. i wish i could escape all my problems and just leave everyone and isolate myself from the world. what’s sad tho is that i feel like this on a daily basis. i’m always thinking about wanting to disappear from the world. it shows how much i hate being alive tbh.

making matters worse, i’ve been feeling more urges to do self harm and i’ve been able to control it, but it’s still really rough for me

i feel like someone’s gonna be all like “just have hope that it’ll get better” and i did for a while, but then it all got worse, and i lost all my hope. i literally have no motivation to do anything anymore. i don’t even care about grades anymore it’s not like my parents pay enough attention to me to know i’m failing three classes lol
 

shhmew

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it is very easy to spiral into that sort of mindset kaleb. once it happens it just keeps going deeper and deeper until it feels impossible to break out of. it comes from feeling like you don't have control over your life. eventually you will realize you have more control over your emotions than you think. for now just keep goin and find joy where you can. also, think about the people who mean a lot to you and hold onto them very tightly - don't let them slip away no matter how rough things get.
 

Vivid Stardust

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@smoky ...I don’t really know how to respond to all of this. I really want to help you, but I’m not sure how to do it. Of course I want to say that everything will turn out okay, and that things will get better, but I don’t think that’s what you need to hear.

I don’t know if this helps, but there’s some days where I want to disappear too. Sometimes, I want to skip town, go somewhere else, be someone else, deal with any set of problems but mine. I’ve never wanted to die, but there are some days where just doing normal things is a struggle. I hope you know you aren’t alone.

I also totally get the “distancing myself from friends that want to help me” thing. I have so much anxiety, and I’m struggling with my gender identity as I mentioned before. I have so many friends who care about me. They understand that I’m busy, they make it clear that they’re proud of me for working so hard in school, and they would give me the shirt off their backs if I needed it (and considering half of my friends are trans college students, that’s saying a lot). I always worry about talking about my issues with them. I always worry that I’m complaining too much, that “they have it way worse than I do, so I shouldn’t complain”. (That’s total bullcrap, by the way; just because your friends are having really tough times doesn’t make your problems invalid.) Sometimes, though, you need to talk to someone. Hell, I’ve emailed my teachers in the past because I was having an anxiety attack.

I’m not going to lie. Life is hard. It’s really hard when you have mental health issues. But it’s possible to get through it. You may not think you’re strong, but you are, at least a little bit.

Even if you’re failing three classes, it’s always possible to turn it around. Granted, you won’t be able to fix it completely, but every semester is a new opportunity to do better.

You can always talk to me or anyone here about your issues, okay? And you can ask me for help with school, too!

I don’t know if that’s all I wanted to say, but if I need to add anything, I will.

I believe in you, smoky.
 

DeepSeaPrincess

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Hey guys, since it's almost 2019, I wanted to ask: What kinds of mental health goals do you have?
For example, this year was kinda crummy all around for me so I'm aiming to meditate before bed each night, wake up with a little yoga, make more friends, and overall things to fight anxiety (since my depession is a direct result of anxious thought). I want to take time to think positively and remind myself to breathe before (over)reacting.


On the topic of coming across hostile, I used to be such a massive pushover and I guess I pushed back too hard because now people say I act like a primadonna. I'm trying to be less rude and defensive so the hope is that I can work on getting better as the year goes on. I don't like being either of those things so forcing myself to actively avoid that kind of behavior should help push bad habits out of the way.


@seaturtle I'm so sorry the holidays are tough. I hope New Year's treats you better!

@Dregran I'm glad you're doing well, acceptance of life is a pretty good feeling to have, isn't it? Not too much on either side.

@smoky I get it. I really do. Just feeling like you don't want to exist anymore, you just don't want to deal with the world. Both wanting to talk, and not wanting or being able to talk to those who want to help. Especially fighting off urges to self-harm or worse. I know hope is hard to hold onto. But really my best suggestion is to talk to somebody, especially your friends and family if you can. Life's hard, but it's harder alone. Please don't feel like a burden to others, or feel like they can't help at all, because I know from experience that talking can do so much to help when you hurt. Please don't disappear into yourself, no matter how tempting it is. I know from experience of myself and someone very close to me that's not going to help. It will just make you feel alone and completely hopeless. The fact you were able to say anything on here shows that you're stronger than you think, since the first step is always the hardest. Despair is hard to fight, but if nothing else the people here believe in you. You can get your classes back up, maybe not to straight a territory, but certainly to passing territory. You can fight the urges to cause harm to yourself and push through the desire to run away. You'll make it through to brighter times, even if it takes a lot of work. I know "It'll be ok, just have hope!" isn't the most helpful thing to hear in this mindset, but I hope knowing there are others who believe in you helps at least a little.
 

Mirage

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What kind of mental health goals do I have huh? Well, I try to be the best version of myself as I can be, but, it never truly hurts to keep yourself sharp and to keep pushing yourself. Things that I really wanna make sure I don't lose my grip on is the courage to talk to my friends about my problems, the self-awareness to avoid situations that could end up being bad for me as far as being honest and truthful goes (irl, not online; I talked about this in detail in the Discord), and probably most importantly, I most definitely don't want any circumstance I find myself in to change who I am, even if temporarily. I know earlier in the year I was going through a rough, unique period in my life that I never experienced before, and it had its effect on me, and so I never want circumstances like those, familiar and unique, to change who I am. Those are my three things that I wanna stress the most importance on in 2019.
 

Neb

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Mine would be to feel comfortable in public. Being around other people makes me stiff as a board, and I think it would be beneficial in the long run to fix it.
 

shhmew

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to stop hurting people first and foremost. and to live more in the moment and stop letting the past affect my behavior, or becoming too preoccupied with the future.
 

~Kilza~

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Looking back at what has happened in 2018, and man, it's crazy the amount of growth I've experienced and how much better my mental health is now than it was 4 months ago or even at the beginning of 2018. I'm really happy with how things have turned out. I'm definitely a lot more self-confident, I definitely like myself a lot more and I've managed to remove some negative mindsets that I've had for a long time (i.e. everybody hating me), amongst other things.

I've written a diary of sorts over the past 5 years. It's worked as sort of a way to just release my thoughts, to think them through and to reset. I've decided to pull out part of an entry I had written at around midnight on August 30th, when things were at their darkest for me as I was at the beginning of the 3 weeks of misery I endured (although admittedly it's scary for me to post this entry tbh). Slightly edited because uh yeah not everything's for public consumption.
[...]

Like, it's a ****ing joke. Why the **** have I suffered for so long? What is this actual ********?

Like, 13 years without a friend. 13 years being the biggest ****ing loser on the planet who nobody wants to be around.

Like, nobody tries to talk with me. And I have social anxiety which stops me from trying to talk to people myself. It's become almost an impossible situation to try and actually make friends.

I'm an outcast on the internet. I try and fit in, but the reality is I just don't. I don't fit in anywhere. Nobody wants to really talk with me, they just let me stand by at a distance, but trying to get close? Oh no **** that, better run away.

Like, why? Why am I denied the right to feel like an actual human being?

Actual, normal people have friends. Yet I'm not ****ing allowed one? I'm not ****ing allowed to be a normal person?

God, this is actually so hard for me to do. I'm seriously so hurt right now. I feel so alone. I feel like it's just me against the whole ****ing world.

Here's the biggest problem about not having a friend. I know, in order to get to [my children], I must be able to actually have a ****ing friend first.

But there's nobody that wants to be my friend. Just straight up nobody. Nobody in the whole ****ing world.

I'm just worthless trash to everybody. Just somebody who's just...there.

Legitimately, this is scary.

Obviously, in order to have [my children], I need a friend who turns into a girlfriend who turns into a wife.

But that's the biggest problem.

What if I can't even get that friend?

All of a sudden, that means I won't be able to get what I want. There'll be no way to have [my children]. And then...what's the point of living?

My belief in [my children] is so crucial to me, it's so vital for me because I need it in order to survive. There's no way I can keep living if I don't have that goal to fight for.

But that belief has wavered over the past 24 hours.

This is really scary.

This is suddenly a really scary, basically life endangering situation.

I need to try and keep that belief alive. I need to. There's no question about it.

Without it, I am suddenly prone to actual suicidal thoughts. I know what I said, that I wouldn't be able to do it, but I'm worried that if my belief in [my children] gets shattered, that door ****ing flies right open.

This is really bad.

I don't ****ing know what to do, though! Like, ****!

I haven't had a friend in 13 years. [...]

This is really scary. I'm really worried about myself now.

Because the biggest problem in all of it is this. I don't have many people I can talk to. [...]

I don't have anybody who I can talk to. I only have myself. But the problem is that I need much, much more help than just that.

I'm legitimately scared for my life right now.

I'm friendless. I haven't had a friend in 13 years. And now, because of this recent failure, the base of my positivity over the past month has shattered. And now my social anxiety has filled me with the overwhelming thought that I will not be able to make any friend.

Anybody.

I'm really scared right now.

These thoughts are way darker than I'm used to.

This is turning into a really bad situation.

I don't know what to do.

I don't.

Know.

****.

Just...****. Just try and get through the rest of the week.

I don't know that we'll be able to reset. I don't know that our volatile state will calm down. I don't know about anything right now.

All I know is this.

I'm scared.

I'm really, really scared.

I'm hurting like crazy. Things are not good. Things are really, really bad.

****.

Just, please, for the love of god, above all else, hold onto [my children].

Don't lose faith in them. Don't lose that belief that you will have them.

Because you will.

You have to keep believing.

Kilza.

Please.

Keep.

Believing.

Believe in [my children]. Believe in them.

Reading through that again, knowing how I felt at that time, and knowing where I am now, it's almost surreal to think about how things have gone. I'm happy, though. I'm happy I survived. I'm happy with how things have gone. And I'm happy that things are finally on the right track again. Things are good. Things are actually good.

So, mental health goals for 2019. In general, it's just to keep improving and keep growing. Keep pushing, keep up the positive changes. While I've made good progress in the past 4 months, I know I'll have to keep at it to make sure I don't regress, I don't get complacent and to make sure I do keep being happy. There's some more specific things, like just be more self-confident, be more open, be myself, don't worry about the past and most importantly just focus on what I can control, rather than worry about the things I can't control.
 
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