Peace Of Mind - A Mental Health Club

Mudkip_Mishchief

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That's some really good advice Katey, thank you. I opened up to my girlfriend about it. I initially didn't want to tell her for fear of hurting her feelings, but being this far into our relationship I feel like I cant be hiding stuff anymore.
 

Luke Strife

"Long live the king."
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Username: Luke Strife
Nickname: Luke
Gender: Male
Adversity (optional): Undiagnosed, but I presume depression and anxiety.
Image to represent you: https://i.imgur.com/D583fn0.jpg
Other: Most certainly searching for strength of heart.
 

Luke Strife

"Long live the king."
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Thank you Athena, though I think you may want to check the first post again, I think you may have broken the image tag for it!

Hello everyone. I'm not really sure what to say here for my first post, but I guess I'll start that by saying 2018 was a bit of a ****ty year for me. Losing Russ right at the end of 2017 annihilated a lot of my goodwill, and my "care budget" (I guess you could call it) was overexpended looking after those he left behind. Plus 10th year at the same crappy job. And it marking the beginning of my 30th year on this planet... it may not be much of a big deal to most, but for me it felt very panic-inducing. Expectations from family and pressure from myself, etc. Essentially boils down to wishing I had several more items checked off the List of Life than I currently do, so I feel like I'm stuck in a proper rut.

Beyond that, I still haven't recovered from numerous events almost back to back stemming from 2014 onwards, primarily losing my brother-in-arms, our dog. I still have a giant hole left in my being that he used to occupy. Also recently I was taken quite aback, when a couple of people informed me that my behaviour had changed drastically over these last few years, and that I do not resemble the person I once was. That I'm a lot more bitter, jaded, and quiet than I used to be. It kinda shook me to my core. I don't really believe in New Year's Resolutions, but this year if I only accomplish one thing, it would be to get my head sorted out once and for all. That's part of why I joined this place, to try and straighten things out in a welcoming environment so I'm not dealing with this stuff alone before I can get professional help.

I hasten to add that I have been trying to attain a more positive mindset in my own manner, though. I have been practicing meditation which helps a lot of the time, and I do find myself more passive in general, rather than engaging with doubting thoughts as much. Not long after my pre-birthday panic, I wrote out a long list of all the things I would like to achieve (or at least work towards bettering), regardless of how petty and small they were, or how important. Then I elaborated on each point so I really understood why I wanted those things, and to make sure I realised exactly how much of those things were out of my control, and were therefore things that I should try to spend less mental effort worrying about. Now, whenever I have "a moment", shall we say, I can look at my list, pick something on there, and do it. So if I lose my way, I know that if I do at least one thing, I am making progress in some manner. I don't know how much help it will ultimately be, but I do feel a bit better knowing that I have the resource available to me at any time, should I need it.

Thank you for reading, and I hope you are well today.
 

Neb

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The sad feelings from the rejection got me motivated to walk around my town for five hours. During my travels, I took pictures of the few landmarks my area is known for as well as a selfie I posted on the forums. The sun was shining, and it never dipped below 50 degrees Fahrenheit. Even when I was starting to feel sore and dehydrated, I had a massive smile on my face. Not once in my life had I ever traveled for so long on my own. After spending so many years in isolation both as a child and a teenager, I could finally see the world through my own eyes. I can say with great confidence it was one of the best days of life.

Now I want to do it again. Once I have healed, I will take brisk walks like this more regularly (although not as long). I'll try to explore every inch of my town before I go and do the same in other places as an adult. Being out like that independently was such an exhilarating feeling that I want to make it a new hobby. Having nothing but the sounds of the outdoors and your own thoughts is an experience I want to have for the rest of my life.
 

Luke Strife

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I know that feeling well Neb. It's what got me into taking solitary walks as well, and I've been meaning to get back into them. It's just annoyingly cold here at the moment, that I just don't enjoy it anywhere near as much. Hopefully it begins to warm soon, so that I may enjoy these little adventures once again as well.
 

shhmew

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^ same, i live up a big hill and it keeps snowing like every week and leaving the sidewalks either piled with snow or just sheets of ice that won't go away. Sometimes i HAVE to walk it to get to/from the bus stop, and then I have to walk in the road bc it's the only place that's walkable. All while freezing my b00ty off. It's horrible lol. But the neighborhood is SUPER pretty and once it finally warms up a bit I'm gonna walk a whole lot more.
 

Azuviin

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Life has gotten much better from the disaster of a human being I used to be back in 2017/2018, but there are still times where I've been feeling really down. Probably because I've spent my time alone and inside the house for the past 3 months. OCD urges are still tormenting me and I still purge when my stomach feels full. Good things have also happened though! I've pretty much completely stopped self harming, using an elastic band which doesn't inflict any permanent damage has been enough to satisfy me.

The weather is finally really nice today (26 degrees Celsius) so I'm planning on taking a long walk by myself today. I haven't been outside in months, so that's probably why I'm feeling down. Hopefully it will lift my mood!
 

Neb

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@Luke Strife: That’s a great idea! Doing little things like walks can be amazing for your mental health. Even short ones.

@Azuviin: I remember you mentioning about the weather being better! It’s great to hear that you’ve cut back on self harming.

Today was my first day back at school in nearly five months. Despite not being particularly happy about staying there until I graduate, I tried to keep a positive attitude. Might as well make the best of the situation. Here is how my day went:
8:02 AM:Woke up exhausted due to the sudden change in sleep schedule. Since I was slower than molasses getting ready, I ended up several minutes late.

9:16 AM: Despite being several minutes late to my morning study hall, it went relatively well. Since it was the first day of the new semester, I no homework to work on. To fill in those 35 minutes, I spent some time on my online Japanese class. Now I can say how many people are in my family in Japanese. “Kazoku wa san nin desu.”

10:07 I was starting to feel physically sick from the stress, so I spent several minutes in the school office before second period. As I sat down, A couple of the bullies from the past made extremely loud shushing sounds as I sat down. I did my best to ignore them. They won’t stop if I report the situation, so ignoring them is my best bet at this point. My math teacher loves to do group assignments that practice our cooperation. For that reason, I spent most of class building a tower with the people at my table. Ours broke right away, but we did our best.

11:00: This is the time when I do a class that combines elements with American History and English. Once again, I sat at whatever table that was open and didn’t seem too threatening. The teacher of this class is extremely friendly and great at making more dull assignments interesting. He made the hour go by surprising quickly.

12:00. My mom picked me up and we stopped to get an iced coffee. She ordered a small one, but it was still good.

Thankfully the day went well for the most part. As tense as I got at times, the better attitude kept me going. The bullying was quite light today, but it could always come back. After trying just about everything to no avail, I’m going to just ignore every comment they make. People like that tend to find someone else to pick on once their current target stops making reactions. That is usually what they’re after
 

DeepSeaPrincess

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I used to go on walks when I had dogs. I could again, but I don't really want to. It feels more lonely since there's nobody around even to just smile at as you walk by, and I don't need to think about that any more than I already do. But in a few months when I move I could walk with my girl, so maybe we should do that.

@Azuviin I'm glad life's been better! Warmer weather really helps with mood, doesn't it? At least I've always though that:)

@Neb I'm so happy you're able to deal with bullying and move past it. Most people can't learn to ignore it. (Myself included, haha, I'm just starting to learn not to let it get to me) I hope you can keep that up and show them they won't get to you anymore!
 

Dregran

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Apart from crappy self-talk and lack of proper self-care, I've been alright recently. Pretty stressed out and always anxious from doing two summer courses in a row, though. I've been coping well with things and being more honest with the people around me. Sometimes I feel really lonely. The people dear to me are only a text or a phone call away, though.

I am struggling to have a good diet and be consistent with exercise. I know how much easier things will be once I get those things in line, it's just getting there and maintaining good health and self-care once I'm in a low mood that I struggle with.

Sending y'all positive vibes. Lately I've been focusing on positives, really makes the difference when you're just not having a good day.
 

Mirage

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Brett: It's good to hear that you've been alright. I'm always interested to see how you're doing :)

@Michelle: It's to hear that you're doing way better! I don't know a lot about your life, but I do know enough to realize the significance of your post. I'm happy for you Michelle :)

@Neb: Good job on having a positive attitude and not letting the bullies get to you! By ignoring them, they will find somebody else. Seriously, I'm proud of you :)

Oh boy, where do I begin? Well, honestly, my life turned upside down again on 1/6, and I've been struggling huge since then. It feels like years have passed. It feels like I'm not the same person I once was. Heck, I feel like I don't even know who I am anymore. I feel like I've been living another person's life; one that isn't mine. I hate change, as is a common trait of autistic people. But, I've been very painfully and slowly adapting to my new life, as much as it sucks. Bright side is that I can still do the things I did before, just not as much. I don't feel like going into much detail than that. It's still too painful, and, heck, even embarrassing.

As far as other things go, well, I've been doing things that make me happy a lot more now. I've been playing guitar more than I've ever been in my life. With me working on earning money, I'm planning on buying some small but significant upgrades to my guitar, which makes me happy. I've also played an amp known as the Micro Dark, which is made by my favorite amp company Orange amps. Playing that little guy also made me happy since I LOVE that line of guitar amps! I've also went to this really nice Chinese restaurant last week, which was pure bliss. Expensive though, but dang was it worth it! It was a nice reassurance that I can still live a good life despite the major change. Next week I'm planning on applying to live in an apartment so I can finally experience life living by myself, which is super exciting. So, things are looking up for me. I just wish it didn't involve the major change.
 

Mudkip_Mishchief

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last night was rough. I was upset and couldn't fall asleep (till 3am that is). I've had bad experiences with previous relationships, and thoughts of how people have treated me before kinda slipped into my head and got me all paranoid and upset. I'm just really confused and scared. I'm confused why I just all of a sudden stopped feeling so happy and loved when I was talking to my girlfriend, and I'm scared that this will end up like any other relationship i've been in. I dont know if this is normal, but I just stopped caring last night. I'm trying to keep it up, I dont want this relationship to end. But I'm scared I might be dating her out of desperation or attachment at this point. I don't know and I don't have the courage to figure it out so I think I'll just keep it up. I'll try to be happy for her, and I'll tell her i love her even if i don't mean it at the time. i hope this'll leave as fast as it came, i really do. I don't feel right
 

~Kilza~

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@Mudkip_Mishchief - oof. Admittedly, I'm not sure what advice I could give, but it sounds like your past is giving you some trouble. It doesn't sound like your current GF is causing this (unless there's more to this that I'm not aware of), which is a good sign. Just hang in there and try to figure out why you're feeling this way, whether it is solely because of your past relationships or if it's because of something else, and hopefully you'll be able to figure it out and break it and be happy with your GF again. e: Also, maybe you should talk to your GF about this. It's important to be open about things like this in a relationship, and it will help you get an idea of how your GF feels about you as well.

On the topic of walks, once a month I go to my former university's campus for 2-3 hours and just walk around. It feels really good to just walk around and clear my head. I've been doing it on Friday after work, so it helps that I'm transitioning from the work week to the weekend as well.

Anyways, today's Bell Let's Talk day in Canada. Talked about this last year, but basically Bell (Canadian company) donates money to mental health initiatives from people doing things such as tweeting #BellLetsTalk. It raises money and awareness for mental health, so hey, it's really good! Really glad it exists since a whole lot of people do struggle with their mental health but don't admit it, so anything to promote awareness and break the stigma is good in my books.

As for myself, I am well. January's been a good month. I've had almost all good days this month. Although, funnily enough, the worst day this month was my birthday. Some work related stuff got me down and I couldn't shake it until the next day but, hey, what can you do? Definitely glad to have had another good month, which means I'm continuing to do well mentally.

I hope everybody in this club is doing well. It's always tough dealing with our own mental health issues, no matter what it is that we're going through, but everybody here deserves happiness.
 
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Vivid Stardust

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Ahaha....I have been an absolute mess for the past few weeks. School started up again, and I’m really enjoying my classes so far.

So first, I’ve been panicking about this short story I have to write for my creative writing class. I don’t know where to even start the story, and even if I go with the one idea I’ve been developing, I don’t know how to start the story. I literally don’t know how I should write the beginning of the story. I did get an extension, so I don’t have to turn it in until next week, but I’m still experiencing so much anxiety over the fact that I can’t write. I’ve been struggling with writer’s block since last semester, maybe even since this past summer, and I struggle with finishing anything writing-wise (both in terms of music and fiction writing). I’m going to try and talk to my writing professor tomorrow about it and see if that helps, but I still feel awful over this whole thing.
I had my psychiatrist appointment yesterday. She prescribes my ADHD meds, but she knows I have anxiety and depression. She has asked me if I want to take meds for my anxiety and/or depression, and I’ve always said “No” or “I don’t know”. Yesterday, we talked about how my anxiety and depression are still not going away (and may in fact be getting worse). She asked me the question about anti-anxiety meds and anti-depressants, and I told her that I don’t know if I should take them or not. She decided to write a small prescription for me for Prozac (10 mg, the lowest dose), and she explained that it was an anti-depressant, but it also worked with anxiety, and it didn’t have any interactions with my ADHD meds (which is part of why I wasn’t comfortable with going on anti-depressants or anti-anxiety meds before; I was worried that I’d have to balance it with my ADHD meds). She said that if I didn’t want to fill it, I didn’t have to; she just wanted to give me the option. She said that if I took it and then didn’t like it, I could stop since you don’t have to taper off of Prozac, but that it takes a few weeks to start working. She said I should discuss it with my therapist, too. I have a lot of mixed feelings because I still don’t know if I want to take anti-anxiety meds or anti-depressants, and I just don’t know what to do.

I was supposed to meet up with my therapist today, but she got sick, so I can’t see her until next week. It kinda threw my whole day off. Now I feel even more anxious about the whole medication thing than before.

Speaking of anxiousness, I feel like I’ve been having an anxiety attack or a severe amount of anxiety/depression pretty much every other day for the past two weeks. I wish it would stop. I wish I could get myself out of those funks when I have them, but I can’t.

I also feel like/have felt like I’m constantly rejecting other people’s help, and I had an anxiety attack last night, too. I know my friends care and want to help, but sometimes, their advice doesn’t make sense in my head or it’s something that I can’t do because of something else. I can’t even do the basic things like calming down and knowing what my needs are! And I feel like I’m just bothering them constantly even though I know that’s not true, and I feel awful, and I just want to know what I should do. If I knew what to do, I feel like things would be better, or at least easier.

...I’m really looking forward to going into long term therapy and fixing my issues.

On a positive note, my teachers and classmates have all been accepting of my names (I go by two names because I can’t choose), pronouns, and gender identity! That’s been really nice, actually, especially compared to how things were at home.
 

Mirage

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@Vivid Stardust:

As someone who loves to write and is basically self-taught (I flunked every English class I ever attended, and had to beg for my teachers to give me D's so I could pass. So I, wanting to write my own stories, taught myself how to become fluent in English, grammar, vocabulary, spelling, you name it; everything), I have my own method for starting a story. Since I hate reading, I became good at starting off my stories with a casual or intense beginning. Since I don't read, I look to video games as my learning tools, and some of the BEST video games I ever played had FREAKING AMAZING beginnings! Uncharted 2, the main character is close to death on a derailed train hanging off of a freaking cliff. He wakes up, falls and barely catches onto a rail at the end of the train. Boom, that's how you start. Happy climbing with your bloody torso and almost dead, bloody body. Or what about Zelda Ocarina of Time? Final Fantasy 6, 10, 13, 15? All amazing beginnings. Need I say more? When you do as much research into story writing as I do, you begin to notice a pattern: all great stories start with intense beginnings. And this isn't exclusive to books and video games either. Movies are just as valid as well. Look at the iconic natural disaster movie Twister, or even Dante's Peak. The beginning of those two movies are INTENSE! So yeah, if you're writing a story with an engaging plot, begin with an intense beginning.

Take this for an example: Say you wanna write a story about this girl who lost her parents and is trying to find her killers. Ok, interesting enough. But now lets add more to it. Begin the story when she was a little girl, playing with her parents on a sunny day. Then all of a sudden these two masked murderers violently bash the door open, slit your parents throat in front of you, and leave them to die while you watch helplessly! NOW we're talking! This sets up so much opportunity! What are the masked murderers, what do they want with your parents? Is it some notorious mafia, drug gang...?! Were your parents part of the FBI and captured their leader? Or maybe they left their gang or mafia cold turkey and the members wanted to exact revenge...?! How will the girl find the killers?! There's so much you can do with this it's insane!

So yeah, starting a story out with an intense beginning is a GREAT way to start! Also, don't take for granted casual beginnings as well. If you want to write something simple like a group of friends just hanging out and messing around all day, then that's good as well! You can add comedy to it, some adventure, maybe add some conflict in there, like getting into an altercation with a rival group or a couple of on-edge police or something; a little bit of everything! Heck, that's EXACTLY what I did myself! You see, I wrote a casual story for Azurilland a while back and it turned out great! Here's the link to my story for you to read as a reference on how I started out a casual story. Maybe it'll give you some good ideas!

And there you have it! Sorry for the looong post! I get super excited when I get to talk about writing haha :) And if you want, I can totally help you with your story! We can come up with something new, or use my example. I hope all of this helps :)
Eesh, that sucks that you've been doing not so great lately :/ When it comes to your specific needs, only you know what's ultimately best, but, maybe my experiences can help in some way? I'm just as cautious of meds as you are. I only take meds if there's no other choice. What helped me through my depression was going through therapy and trying my best to let it help me, even if it meant faking to believe the things they were saying, like faking to believe that I'm special and all that. Talking to my therapists about depression in general helped me to see my value objectively. We would talk about how I cared so much about people and wanted to help them so much, and then the therapist would say that me wanting to help is what made me a good person. Sure, I chose to fake believe it at the time, but then something crazy happened: I started to gradually believe those things. Soon enough, by sticking with therapy for a year or two and with my approach, I began to feel a lot better about myself. Now I can say that I haven't had a major depression outbreak in 3 or so years. This also goes with accepting compliments from people as well. Even if you have to fake believe it, do it. Sooner or later you'll start to actually believe it. Be careful though, this can be a double-edged sword: If you start to feel bad about yourself, then absolutely do not, I repeat, do not believe any bad thing you might say about yourself! Don't even fake believe it! Always listen to the words of the people who care about you! If you need to be around someone you love and care about, then do it. Now, this is how I got out of my depression, so it might work for you, it might not. But whatever the case, ultimately what I'm trying to say is this: help yourself as much as you can.
That's really awesome to hear Apollo! Having friends who are similar to you, I know how important to feel accepted for you are, so I'm happy for you that that area of your life is going good! :D
 

DeepSeaPrincess

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It snowed today, and that made me happy because I love how sparkly and fluffy it is. It was nice to have something to cheer me up when I woke up sad.

How has everyone else been faring?
 

shhmew

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i have just been so happi lately. i said this in a discord chat recently but i've been paying a lot of attention to the little things. you know how sometimes rly nice small things happen to you and just make you so happy? i've been trying to hold onto those things. instead of holding onto the small negative things that weigh me down. knowing what to hold onto and what to let go of, really really helps me. the little things are actually so huge.

at work the other day, i saw someone wrote on a white board, "life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it." very simple idea but oh so very true
 

smoky

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im not great but that’s not news. had a mental breakdown a couple days ago which was fUn. i really had suicidal thoughts running through my mind at that point so i forced myself to take a shower (it was 4 am oops but it’s better than not taking a shower which is usually what happens on weekends bc i can’t force myself out of bed) and got a solid 10-12 hours of sleep and sat in my bed all day which is horrible for me so i probs shouldn’t do that but idc. i finally have an appointment with a therapist tho so that’s nice. march 8th. just waitin for the time to pass by at this point

other than all of that sad sack stuff, just kinda been hanging out in bed all day and watching youtube or listening to music. still barely doing my homework and when i do it’s p bad. i just wanna be able to sleep all day for the rest of my life
 

DeepSeaPrincess

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I'm sorry you're still struggling Smoky. Usually I'd say showerng that late is a bad idea but it's certainly better than sitting alone with your thoughts. Especially thoughts like those. Watching youtube like you're doing can be helpful to keep them at bay too. If you have something else you like to do I'd suggest that more though, doing what you love can help your mental state in so many ways. When I've been in that state music and acting kept me distracted, and sometimes stalling your thoughts until you can safely work through them is better. It might be obvious advice, but I know for a fact it works. I really hope therapy helps, and that you can get to a happier place again.
 
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