♡ The Lonely Hearts Club ♡ - When You're around Me, I'm Radioactive

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Felly

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100% of my actual relationships have been with people I met online, and neither of them have ended well. I'm not gonna sit here and say meeting people online just doesn't work because I've seen some success stories, but it just hasn't worked out for me. It's always seemed like as soon as things start getting rough or someone doesn't get their way, everything goes downhill and there's a break up.

That said, I've considered Tinder at times, but I've heard from irl friends, it's mainly been hook ups, which isn't really my thing. If I go into a relationship with someone, I want it to last, I don't want it to be some kinda hook up kinda deal. I want more than that. I also just kinda think the idea of meeting someone with the intent of going into a relationship with them is kinda awkward. I don't want to share with all my friends that I'm in a relationship with someone, and then a week later, we've broken up because we're just two very different people and a relationship between us just wouldn't work out. I'd rather know up front "hey, this isn't gonna work out, let's not waste our time." I'd rather get to know someone a lil bit before I get into a relationship with them, that way if things end up not working out, it's not just because we're two very different people that are absolutely not what we seemed like on the dating app.

Maybe I will give a dating app a chance in the future though. I personally don't feel I'm really at a point where I really want to start looking for a relationship with someone just yet. I don't have a car of my own, and public transportation around here just isn't my thing (and it literally sucks). (And I'm too cheap to want to pay for Uber and getting into a car with someone I just met just seems like a big NOPE.) I can get around with my mom's car, but then I'm also trying to find time to meet with someone that works with my schedule, her schedule, and his schedule, and that just seems like too much for me rn. Once I get a car of my own, I think I'll be more open to the idea of finding someone though. That said, if someone comes along before that happens, I'm not gonna push it away, but I'm just not gonna be really actively looking until then.

---

On a 100% separate note, how do y'all deal with feelings of loneliness? Not just in terms of romantic relationships, but with friendships as well. Lately, I've kinda been struggling with this feeling of being alone, even though deep down, I know I'm not alone because I have friends that care and all. It's just a feeling that's there and hits me sometimes. I haven't talked to one group of friends in a lil while, since I was trying to explain how I felt about League of Legends to one of them (basically I get bored at times and everything feels repetitive even though it's not actually repetitive because no two games are exactly alike and how I feel I get too comfortable with the game and start doing poorly because of it) and he just wasn't getting it and was basically trying to give me advice on getting better with the game (which wasn't what I was looking for, but I was never really clear with what I wanted out of my rambling in the first place, so not his fault he was giving unwarranted advice), so I just kinda left the conversation on "I don't think I'm really getting my point across, so I'm just gonna go." and haven't really said anything since. I know I'll be welcomed back with open arms and as if nothing ever happened because this group of people isn't a bunch of poopheads, but I dunno, since I more or less stepped away from them, I've kinda been struggling with this feeling of loneliness?

I guess it's also worth noting that I tend to do a lot solo. In part, it's because everyone has very different schedules (and sometimes, timezones get in the way of stuff), so we can't always do stuff together, and I understand that. That's part of this whole adulting thing. But also when I do play group games, I'm always kinda hesitant to ask others to join me because I feel like if I do poorly, people are gonna get frustrated and stop playing with me because of it (because that's kinda happened before with this particular friend group in the past, before a bunch of drama happened that split a larger group into two). Irl, I mainly just go to work and then come back home, and on my days off, I don't tend to do too much other than stay home and do stuff on my own. I don't really have too many friends irl, other than the group I sometimes play D&D when I can get out to campus to join them for a game.

tl;dr because i've clearly done a lot of rambling -- how do y'all deal with loneliness?
 

smoky

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i don’t really have much to say about dating apps since it’s very illegal for me to join any of them lol, but if i get desperate enough when i’m older and still don’t have a boyfriend, then sure i might???? idk

how do y'all deal with feelings of loneliness?
i feel lonely 24/7 so i know from personal experience how tough it can be to deal with loneliness. i’ve found texting helps a lot. i have a group chat with my irl friend group and we just talk about whatever’s on our minds or meme around and i think it’s just a really nice thing to have when i get lonely. snapchat helps a lot too. sending people random stuff is always fun and can spark up conversations

i find youtube helps a lot too. if u can find a youtuber that u can get a somewhat personal connection to, it kinda makes u feel like friends??? just somethin i’ve discovered in the past couple years that helps a lot for me personally
 

shhmew

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@Felly lately I have felt more loneliness than I ever have before. I'm in a relationship with someone I love, I live with my best friend, my parents love me a lot, and I have a few friends on top of that... but I just can't seem to get over those feelings sometimes. I think it's based on insecurity.

There was a trending video recently that made me cry, and reflect a LOT, I would recommend watching it, to anyone

 

Felly

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I think maybe it might be based in insecurity too, but I dunno.

I feel like I'm fine in life. I'm free from toxic relationships with people. I'm mostly getting my life together. I have just about everything I could want. I have a job that isn't too stressful. (lol i work in retail, what's not stressful)

I guess maybe I'm just tired of the repetitive motions of doing the same thing day in and day out? I dunno. Maybe I'll try Snapchatting more or doing a lil more with social media, and maybe that'll help. I have Snapchat on my phone, and I literally do nothing with it.
 

Dregran

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When I feel lonely it's mostly due to my own dark thoughts telling me what other people are thinking and that they don't like me. Today I was going to meet up with a friend, which we arranged impromptu, but then they cancelled last minute and I only read the text once I was at the arranged meet-up place. It sucked and it just hit me; I felt really lonely after this happened.

The first thing I did was message someone else and talk about it. I don't hold hard feelings for cancelling last minute, so feeling bad just made me feel worse about the whole situation. After explaining the situation to someone, I felt better about it and more okay with what had happened. I then got a coffee as a pick-me-up, since that comforts me.

So I guess I deal with loneliness by looking at the situation differently, through explaining to someone else or just thinking about it on my own, and with something that comforts me. When I can't talk things out I just do my best to maintain a positive outlook. Overall, I'm pretty satisfied with my life at the moment.
 

theDINOsaurus

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I used to feel loneliness A LOT in the period from high school to late college, and for me it was definitely rooted in my insecurity. My self-confidence back then was abysmal and one of my biggest regrets from back then is how many friendships I allowed to fade away because I was too afraid of bothering people to take initiative with staying in touch once we no longer shared classes or extracurriculars together. I kept all of my feelings bottled up back then because I was constantly worried about my relationships being too shallow for anyone to stick around if I tried to confide the negative aspects of my life in them. It really sucked.

I finally felt secure in a friend group my last year of high school, then I immediately moved away from all of them for college, which basically erased any progress I had made. The only real exception to this is that I got better at confiding in my best friend, and (guess what) she never turned me away or got upset with me for burdening her with my problems. Nursing school and entering the field developed my confidence more than I could've imagined, so now loneliness isn't an issue I face regularly, but more on occasion. The forum community has been a help with that as well. When I do get lonely, it doesn't feel crushing the way it used to.

So I guess I don't really have concrete advice to give except that it's good to do some self-examination. Try to figure out where exactly your loneliness is coming from, and make some changes a little bit at a time to improve. In my case, a lot of the issue was taking that leap and being willing to open up emotionally to my friends so I could feel secure in my relationships. My social life itself didn't see any major change, but that was a big first step in addressing the issues that were contributing to my loneliness. The best way to tackle a problem is by finding a place to start.
 

Luke Strife

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This place. You guys. That's how I decided to solve it this time.

After Russ died and the fallout had passed, I spent a lot of the previous year reflecting and struggling with my inner demons. Towards the latter third of the year it manifested as loneliness. I craved connections with more people, to feel like I was part of something bigger. I remembered 4P and I wondered how that place was doing. I remembered there was that silly little reunion for a brief while ago, and wondered if something was still kicking. Of course, it really wasn't, especially not after the Tapatalk takeover. But I wasn't fazed, I was too wrapped up in my desire for communication that I just... I went on a bit of a spamming spree (which is still very evident should you ever feel like looking at the place again).

I got a bit obsessive about it I guess, posting a few times a day until someone noticed me. I guess I was trying to make up for lost time, as I really regretted just leaving when I did a few years prior because I hadn't really made all that strong of a connection with anyone while I was there, I felt like an outsider while being only somewhat tangentially linked to the forum through Russ. I only had George and Karen as occasional company. Then there was the email from George about Marriland. I'd heard it mentioned a few times by random people during the active days of 4P but I'd never really paid much attention to it since I figured it was just the forum people were at before that one. I had no idea it was still active to this day. So even though I don't have as much passion for Pokémon anymore like I used to, George persuaded me to make an account here because it is still very much alive. And here I am.

I won't pretend to say it's "cured" my feelings of loneliness or whatever, but it has certainly curbed it for this particular phase. Still, I very much appreciate being here and I do love what you guys have here. It's a camaraderie that I've missed, I haven't been part of an active community forum for about.... a decade, I think? I enjoy the longform discussions, almost like writing mini-blog posts for my thoughts (And boy do I tend to brainsplurge a lot when I'm in the mood, I guess you could say it's a form of therapy for me. Writing catharsis, if you will.) So far this place has been a positive experience for me, and I'm definitely much more laid back in general than I used to be. I'll continue to enjoy my time here, I think.

Beyond that, I was also feeling it somewhat in my real life. I've been trying to do things about that though. Getting myself out of the house more often, for one, even if it's just to have a wander around the village and say hi to a few people. Go for a walk, that kind of thing. I've also been attending a monthly event in the next town over, where a friend of mine hosts a Beer and Boardgames event at a local bowls club. It's every second Thursday of each month, from about 7:30pm-11pm (though the end time is really flexible haha, depending on how the night is going, but no later than 11:30pm). I love it, it's such a blast. Meeting new people who are all really friendly, learning new games, etc. We always finish the night off with 2-3 rounds of One Night Ultimate Werewolf which is always great too. So far I have the highest points for this year, which makes me a little uncomfortable being at the top spot, but I'm sure it won't last haha.

Oh well, enough rambling from me. All I "need" to do now is solve my romantic loneliness and I'll be all set! Haha.
 

Moxie

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We're all lonely what you mean

I used to be a bit of a loner in early years of high school or late middle school because I thought no one would relate to me? It's weird cause I had friends, but they were always considered oddballs and losers and I didn't want to be associated with that? So that odd period where I intentionally avoided them was probably when I was most lonely. I finally got my head out of the clouds in a couple years and made my last years of high school count, letting me also get in tune with myself a bit more so that even when I don't have someone to talk to, I don't ever really feel lonely anymore

My family honestly have never given me the chance to be lonely and I think I just appreciate that a lot more now after a looooot of retrospecting. Like family game nights and other such things fill up weekends like we're from the 80s lol, but it's surprisingly the highlight of my week. My little sister and brother are bitter people, but it's cause of them my life feels so full I guess? My parents are awesome too so yeah I can't say I've felt lonely even after we moved so I could go for college.

Lonely in a romantic sense though...well I can't say I've never thought of it like that? It's just that I guess I never really actively looked for relationships to make me less lonely lol. I think I just don't mesh well with people generally so that's why it took me a long time to go on my first date. I guess I just don't put relationships on a pedestal to avoid loneliness I still love her pls but personally romantic loneliness has never been much of a factor :thonkazurill:
 

dreams

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Username: dreams
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ARE YOU LONELY?: Yup! :(


Username: dreams
Nickname(s): Paris
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Relationship Status (optional): Single/In a relationship/Married/It's complicated

ARE YOU LONELY?: Yeah.
 
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Thundawave

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Welcome to the club, Chloe and Paris!

I tend to spend a lot of time alone, but that time doesn't necessarily make me feel lonely. Those are generally good times, really. In fact, I feel more lonely when I'm around a group of people I can't relate to or interact comfortably with. Or when I don't understand something that others assume to be common knowledge or dead easy to see.

In the context of relationships, I still don't see how it can be so easy for so many other people to get into one. As much as I'd hope to have one at some point in my life, it still scares me a lot.
 

Mudkip_Mishchief

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ARE YOU LONELY?: Yup! :(


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ARE YOU LONELY?: Yeah.
Hi Chloe! Hi Paris!
 

Pendraflare

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Welcome, Chloe and Paris!

Anyway, yeah, most of my time is spent alone, at least not when I'm at work. I'm sure this is something that I've talked about before, but the thing is that most of the people I work with are younger than me, or the managers who are significantly older - none right around my age who I can easily hang out with. The last time I had friends that I could actively hang out with was in the 2000's when I went to private school. I did have some that I made in uni but they moved along after each semester was out. But I guess to settle with it is something I've just been doing over the last decade since I haven't really had much of a choice. So I'm essentially used to it at this rate, and I'll have to put up with it more if I move out, but that won't be happening until I get a more advanced job.

And much like Regine, a relationship is something I fail to see how people easily find their way into, and the thought of me being in one does kinda nerve me out. There's a lot to think about with them...
 

Luke Strife

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Welcome new people!

I welcome the idea of being in a relationship, I really enjoy it when it's at its best. I only worry now because it's been so long since my last one. Three and a half years and counting. I worry that when the time comes, I will forget how things do, thanks to being out of practice and so used to being by myself and doing things for myself.
 

Mystical

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Hi Chloe and Paris! Hope you enjoy it here. Both in Marriland and in this club.

I have been feeling kind of like I don't belong with this community lately, I don't know. It's not exactly loneliness, but maybe sort of different and alienated. May just be my own insecurities talking, but I think part of it is how a few of the people that used to be part of my close circle of friends have drifted away, and how sometimes my comments don't receive an answer and have mostly/only received criticisms for stuff I've shared. In any case, I feel like it seems petty to complain or vent when other people have it worse. But talking to friends about it really really helps.

Edit: also I'm different from most peeps here because I don't care about memes or spam xD
 
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Neb

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When dealing with any kind of loneliness, I usually just try to text or hang out with my friends (irl and online). The company helps immensely, and it keeps my mind off the loneliness.
 

dreams

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The way we deal with loneliness is by distracting ourselves, either be it by reading, writing, being with friends and all of that. Although, there's always a faint feeling of loneliness lurking in the back of our mind. But to be fair, we're never exactly lonely considering we have each other.
 

Mystical

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The way we deal with loneliness is by distracting ourselves, either be it by reading, writing, being with friends and all of that. Although, there's always a faint feeling of loneliness lurking in the back of our mind. But to be fair, we're never exactly lonely considering we have each other.
Yes, I love reading, too! And it's a good way of dealing with those feelings, I think. Including boredom. And having a passtime also helps.

If I may ask, how do you two think of each other? Don't mean to pry so feel free to answer or not. But what I mean is, do you consider each other a friend or a companion?

@Scott I can understand not really having people to hang out with. Have you tried maybe joining a club or a workshop of something? That may also help with meeting people that may share some of your interests and may be closer to you in age.

Also, like Regine, I don't feel lonely when being alone necessarily, but sometimes I do when I'm bored. Overall, I feel alright with myself, which is great. I think having that's feeling helps in not needing to always be with other people. Though of course, it also depends on one's personality.
 

dreams

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The way we deal with loneliness is by distracting ourselves, either be it by reading, writing, being with friends and all of that. Although, there's always a faint feeling of loneliness lurking in the back of our mind. But to be fair, we're never exactly lonely considering we have each other.
Yes, I love reading, too! And it's a good way of dealing with those feelings, I think. Including boredom. And having a passtime also helps.

If I may ask, how do you two think of each other? Don't mean to pry so feel free to answer or not. But what I mean is, do you consider each other a friend or a companion?

@Scott I can understand not really having people to hang out with. Have you tried maybe joining a club or a workshop of something? That may also help with meeting people that may share some of your interests and may be closer to you in age.

Also, like Regine, I don't feel lonely when being alone necessarily, but sometimes I do when I'm bored. Overall, I feel alright with myself, which is great. I think having that's feeling helps in not needing to always be with other people. Though of course, it also depends on one's personality.
We see each other as close friends, almost like sisters. Glad that we found someone that likes reading as much as we do!
 

Mirage

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I used to not handle loneliness very well. Not well at all. But I grew to rely on the power of friendship and talk to my friends without fear that I'm bothering them. By making friends that are real and genuine, both online and irl, I cannot say enough just how much they've helped me to handle any kind of loneliness I may have. There's not a day that goes by where I don't think about my friends. I'm truly grateful for them <3
 
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