♡ The Lonely Hearts Club ♡ - When You're around Me, I'm Radioactive

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Gokudera

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I'm very introverted with people outside of friends, family, and work, so I crave being alone sometimes. I get very nervous in a lot of social situations. Even if I'm in a noisy restaurant, it can bother me. Sensory overload manifests in those types of situations, and even just sitting there, I get a bit nervous and anxious. The best thing I find to do is just go to the bathroom. Since they have heavy doors and need to be a certain distance away from food, the noise is drowned out. I will literally sit in the stall for a few minutes, even if I don't have to use the facilities, and calm down. It's weird as hell, but works really well.
 

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I felt really lonely the other day which made me think about loneliness a little more again. It’s a very different kind of loneliness, though, and a relatively new experience for me that comes from the combination of being in an LDR while having physical touch as my love language. I’ve been considering buying a weighted blanket to see if that might help, but I know loneliness is a normal feeling. Everybody gets lonely sometimes, unfortunately c’:
 

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While I'm probably not as far away, I understand what it's like to miss physical touch. It's not my love language but sometimes I just really want their hug, you know?

I have had quite a bit of loneliness lately, but I've managed it by watching/playing Overwatch and talking to people.

I hope the weighted blanket helps, Dino!
 

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ARE YOU LONELY?: yes T-T
 

Thundawave

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Omg I'm terrible and didn't see this until now. Welcome, Zange!

On the subject of love languages, which one is yours? I think I remember quality time being my greatest followed by acts of service the last time I took a quiz, though I don't remember the order afterwards.
 

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i have no idea tbh cuz most of them are super (and about equally) important to me. maybe i am just extra needy.
 

theDINOsaurus

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i have no idea tbh cuz most of them are super (and about equally) important to me. maybe i am just extra needy.
nah, I don't think so. They're all important things to have in a relationship imo. I can't imagine losing any one of them completely because they are all ways to express love. I took the test just because recently and even though I generally agree with the result, some days one of the lower languages may be the one I really need at that moment, and that's ok. I think there's some fluidity to how people receive love, and that's a good thing. It can change over time and even just on a day-to-day basis, so I wouldn't worry too much about not being able to pin down one exact order ❤


Like I just said, I took the test for the first time fairly recently. I hadn't before just because I looked at it when we had the old thread and was like "I can't answer any of this lol" do to my complete lack of a love life. My order was Physical Touch -> Quality Time -> Acts of Service -> Gift Giving -> Words of Affirmation. It was neat to be able to reflect on the order after taking the test because my first reaction to words of affirmation being right at the bottom (I only got one point lol) was "that can't be right" but I think it's actually very true of me. When I was younger, I can almost guarantee this would've been my number one, but as I've gained self-confidence I've stopped thriving on words quite so much and have come to value actions much more. I expected acts of service to be at bottom, but in thinking about my relationship I think having it in the middle is perfect. Ravey will say "I wish I could do x thing for you" when I'm not feeling well and just the sentiment behind that makes me happy.

Quality time was only a point behind physical touch for me so time is obviously very important but touch is definitely at the top, which didn't surprise me at the time I took the test, but I never would've guessed it before I was in a relationship lol. I've never been a super touchy person with friends and family but I guess I'm super cuddly in a relationship so hey who would've thought.
 

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At the super toxic house I lived at, there were classes that we had to attend in the evenings if we weren't at work or at some other house sponsored thing. The Thursday night instructor was super interesting and even though it was a Bible study class and I wasn't super interested in it, she made it interesting; she also did these classes when some of us were forced to go to grief counseling so that we wouldn't miss out on Bible study stuff, but she redid them like a month or so before I ended up leaving there.

Anyways, I'm digressing a bit, but one of the classes she did was on love languages, and she went over all of them and everything. It was the first time I'd heard of love languages, but it was super eye opening when she was going over it. The whole time, I wound up thinking of my last two relationships, but most especially the last one I was in. I was thinking about it enough that I wound up asking him if he was mad at me that I never really gave him my full attention when he would play games for me over DIscord, which he kinda wasn't but I'm pretty sure he was kinda bummed out about it. (I'm just the kind of person that has to be doing something; I can't sit and binge watch shows because after a while, I get a little restless because I'm not doing anything else besides that.) It was just super eye opening learning about it and really made me reflect on things.

In terms of my own personal love languages, I could probably rank them as follows:

  1. Acts of Service - This is probably the one that speaks to me the most. I love helping other people. I volunteered when I was in high school, and it was super rewarding for me and I really enjoyed doing it. Even at work currently, there's a great satisfaction I feel in knowing that I helped someone find the product they needed, especially when they really needed the help because they were stressing because they just seem super relieved that someone helped them out and was able to solve their problem.
  2. Words of Affirmation - I just really like hearing positivity tbh. Like I understand there's negativity in the world and I'm gonna hear it directed towards me, but like, hearing that I'm doing something well and knowing that I'm not completely screwing up, especially when I feel like that's exactly what I'm doing, really reassures me and makes me feel good about myself.
  3. Gifts - It's funny because I'm really not super good at the whole gift giving thing. I like doing it, but nine times out of ten, especially if I don't know someone super well, I prefer to just give them a gift card and call it a day. But when I actually know someone and all, I really enjoy putting the thought into getting a gift for them. I'm not super picky when it comes to receiving gifts, I'm the kind of person that never knows what to ask for and I'm just like "I'm happy with whatever," but there's just something special about choosing a gift for someone and making it special just for them.
  4. Quality Time - Like I said above, I get kinda fidgety when I'm sitting around not doing anything for an extended period of time. I just have to be doing something. I can't really binge watch shows because after a little while, I feel like I need to be doing something else, unless it's a show I'm really into. If I'm reading a book and I'm not super into it, I feel like I need to do something else to break up the monotony of reading the book just to get through it because I don't want to leave it unfinished. (I typically do a lot of my reading while playing League because I can get a few pages in between champ select and the loading screen.) That said, I just feel like quality time for me needs to involve actually doing something, like playing a game together or some other activity together. It doesn't even have to be something that involves money, I'd be happy going and hanging out with people at a park or a mall and it's fine with me.
  5. Physical Touch - I feel like this one might be a bit higher, but I don't actually know because 100% of my actual relationships have been long distance and we never actually met. I craved the physical touch, but it never actually happened. I'm kinda placing it at the bottom just because I've never actually been in a relationship where I've been able to physically touch my partner. That said, I feel like I would like it just because sometimes I just want someone to hold me and comfort me or be able to snuggle up to someone and all that cute mushy stuff that people do in relationships.
I've never actually taken a test for love languages, so this is just kinda my personal opinion of it all based on my own self reflection of things since learning about them. Maybe later I'll take a test and share the results with y'all, when it's not almost 3am and I'm supposed to be in bed because I work later today. xD
 

~Kilza~

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For anybody who doesn't know what Regine's talking about: (Link to the old thread) (Link to the question PDF)

I decided to take it again, and I ended up getting Quality Time >> Physical Touch > Acts of Service > Words of Affirmation >> Receiving Gifts. The only real differences from last time were Acts of Service and Words of Affirmation being flipped, and Quality Time being much further ahead than before. I feel it's accurate to how I feel now, though. I still want to be around the person I'm dating as much as I can be, but at the same time I'm more confident now so I don't need the words of affirmation as much (though I'd still very much appreciate it).

Also, with regards to loneliness, this feels really weird to say but I haven't actually felt all that lonely recently (like, going back a few months now). I guess for me, the main thing is that before things changed for me, I was just in a really bad place where I did feel alone all the time and I felt like there was nobody there for me. And so it was very easy for feelings of loneliness to manifest and just dominate my mind. I didn't really do anything about those feelings. I just let them sit there and hurt me. People here have talked about how their own insecurities play a factor in them being lonely, and I think that's true for me too, since I think my own insecurities played a role in being lonely (amongst other factors).

I guess the main thing is just that there is now something there where it felt like there was nothing there before. There are 3 main things in play for me here. I have work, where I've felt less isolated and more secure than I once did. I have the community here, where I feel much more connected with everybody. And I have my family, which I am taking less for granted now than I did before. So I now know I do have people in my life with whom I can connect with and talk to and all that and who do care for me. And it's really helped me out a lot.

I definitely feel fortunate, since knowing how I felt before and being able to actually see and appreciate what I have now, it really is night and day. I'm definitely thankful for it.
 

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Quality Time and Physical Touch are my love languages.
 

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All right, didn't know about this.

Took the test. Circled quality time options eleven times, and then physical touch seven times and words of affirmation six.

When it comes to acts of service or gifts, my main problem is that if the other person is doing it all that for me, I feel like the relationship is inbalanced and that I have to make a bigger effort to reciprocate. Though understanding that there are different ways of expressing love can help, since for example if someone gave me a gift or did something nice for me I could reward them by doing something they like or being affectionate.

Still, I think communication is important to know what each person wants out of the relationship and how the person feels about it.
 

Master Magics Five

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Words and gifts in light tend to mean little immediately, but I develop fondness for these things overtime.

But, rather, for joy rather than cheer, I prefer spending time together in general. Perhaps it's because the majority of my experience is online, but I've come to accept some distance, but still see physical contact as one of the most precious things when emotion strikes. Playing video games has always been great bonding experience with anybody, it lets you see a person's competitive side without getting your hands dirty, and learn more about each other in a different light. Working together and against without a true threat, a simulation of it, but likely with affection in the waves beneath the showy storm.

Overall, bonding over an activity is what I take to mean the most in constant, but inherent kindness and passion fuel all of that fire, for one stoked with wood does not last nearly as long.
 

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I can't even take the test because everything just sounds equally nice and powerful to me. I have tried in the past when it forces me to pick one or the other option, but it's never felt accurate. I won't go into detail about each one since I don't like opening up publicly about my relationship too much. But maybe as we get older (and maybe when our relationship is no longer LDR) one or two will start to stick out more to me.
 

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I remember the last time I took it, I got quality time > physical touch > acts of service > receiving gifts > words of affirmation. Granted that was at the end of January but I don't think these have changed too terribly much. I think quality time might be my highest bc I'm always so busy with things all the time? It's either that or I'm cooped up in my room a lot, there's no in between. So any chance I would get to spend with an s.o. would mean a lot to me. Can't really explain why the rest of them are ordered how they are though (except physical touch - i love me a good cuddle)
 

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I got Quality Time > Physical Touch > Acts of Service = Words of Affirmation > Receiving Gifts. I'm not surprised quality time is highest.
 

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why do all of my subscribed threads just stop giving me notifs good god

I got Physical Touch as my top, closely followed by Words of Affirmation and Quality Time, with Acts of Service and Receiving Gifts much further down. Not really surprised there, honestly, I'm a very "soft uwu boy" type of person when it comes to affection.
 

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Something about the acts of service, for me, is I'd rather we do it together than let others do it for me, and that happens even outside of relationships (not that I have a ton of experience with relationships, but I imagine that's how I would feel).

Also, that's cute, Bones ^^
 

Felly

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I took the test that Kilza linked just now, and I got way different results than what I'd posted last night.

Like, I put quality time at 4, but when I did the test, it was actually my number one. I can see why though because I value spending time with someone more than I do receiving gifts from them. Gifts could get damaged or broken or lost, but memories can last a lot longer than that. It's not that I don't appreciate gifts (I love receiving them and I certainly don't say no to free), but if I had the choice between a gift and just spending time with someone, I'd choose the latter.

Words of affirmation stayed at 2 for my own personal rankings and when I did the test. I put physical touch last on my own list, but it was third with the test. Not sure why, but shrug. Receiving gifts and acts of service were tied on the test, and I had those at third and first, respectively, on my own pre-test list.

Kinda interesting how my test results differed from my own personal rankings, but I guess it's also worth noting I could've gone either way with some of my answers on the test.
 

Felly

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Hope it's okay for me to double post here. It's been a bit since anyone's really talked here, but I got some stuff on my mind that I feel like sharing.

First, one of my exes reached out to me to talk to me. I haven't talked to him in years, and it was honestly a bit of a surprise when he did reach out to me and start talking to me. He hasn't been pushing anything thankfully, and I feel like he's matured a bit since I last spoke to him a few years ago. He told me he got his license and a car, neither of which he had before, and I'm honestly proud of him for getting both of those things; it was something he'd been working on a bit when we last spoke, but nothing had ever come of it while we were talking. I'm so glad he's gotten it now though; I remember him getting frustrated at times having to rely on someone else to get from point A to point B, and I know how frustrating it is myself personally having to work with someone else to get around, so I'm glad he no longer has to worry about that. It's overall been like a breath of fresh air to talk to him, tbh. I don't really have any romantic feelings towards him, and being able to share stuff about the not so great aspects of my life without being pressured for details has been really nice. He'd actually made a comment about finding someone to treat me like I deserve to be treated, and I told him that I thought I had and mentioned how I was kinda glad things didn't work out; he asked why but also asked if it was a touchy subject. I'd told him it was because he hangs out with a group of toxic people (the same group I left before coming here), but honestly, it just felt nice to see him ask if it was a touchy subject because it made me feel like I didn't have to explain anything if I'd said it was a touchy subject. We're still talking on and off (he's at work, but it's slow there I guess and I'm gonna be going to lay down soon), but overall, it's felt like a breath of fresh air talking to him.

And then one of the people from the group that I'd rejoined DM'd me the other day to check in on me, and idk, it's just kinda been awkward. Like I'm kinda not wanting to talk to her, but I kinda do??? It's like a complete 180 from a couple months ago, where I was literally confiding everything in her about how I was feeling, and now I'm just like "meh." I'm responding to her because I don't want to be rude or anything, but I dunno, it's almost like I don't want to talk to her? I just kinda feel like she's gonna ask why I haven't been talking so much in the group, and I'm not 100% sure how to explain to her it's because a couple people in the group still associate with the toxic group (which is their choice and nothing I want to control) and that makes me a lil uncomfortable. If it does come up, I intend to be 100% honest with her, but also I feel like it's gonna make things awkward and I don't want to do that either.
 

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This seems like a fitting club, hope you all don't mind a newcomer :)
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ARE YOU LONELY? Yes, isn't everyone?
 
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