♡ The Lonely Hearts Club ♡ - When You're around Me, I'm Radioactive

Dregran

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Welcome, Ocean!

That's an interesting turnaround, Felly. Quite a series of events. I'm glad things have worked out between you and your ex, it's really good that things are calm between you two and you can talk freely about why the relationship didn't work. It's so nice to touch base when you both have had positives in your lives.
 

Diarkia124

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Username: Diarkia124
Nickname(s): Andrew
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ARE YOU LONELY?: it really do be like that, sometimes
 
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Felly

not in love tonight
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Welcome, Ocean and Andrew (once you're accepted, haha)!

That's an interesting turnaround, Felly. Quite a series of events. I'm glad things have worked out between you and your ex, it's really good that things are calm between you two and you can talk freely about why the relationship didn't work. It's so nice to touch base when you both have had positives in your lives.
We actually haven't really talked about why the relationship didn't work, haha. I think we both know why, and we just haven't actually talked about it. I think he really recognizes that he was dumb when we were together though. After I'd posted last night, he'd said he felt stupid two years ago and like he didn't know anything, but now he's grown up a bit and his horizons have expanded. I think he's learned a lot over the past two years since we last talked, and it's nice to see. Time and experiences can really change a person, and I'm glad it's changed him for the better, at least from what I've seen thus far.
 

OceanMaster

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So I had an awkward altercation with my ex recently. She and I haven't talked in months until she randomly texted me and asked me if she could ask me something but said that she hates me. I said sure because I'm generally curious. She asks the question and I answer and then I ask why she hates me because once again I was curious. And she said there was no reason. Then this left me confused, but I said my farewell and that i was glad i was able to contribute to her questionaire. Should I have just ignored her since she was a bit rude about it? Mind you, I have no romantic feelings towards her, I just thought we were on good terms.
 

shhmew

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there's no reason you "should have" ignored her if you're not torn up about it or losing sleep over it. sounds like no harm was done over this little interaction & it didn't affect you negatively so w/e. if she keeps bothering you that might be another story but as of right now seems ok? there's no reason to ignore someone purely because they're rude or petty
 

OceanMaster

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That's fair, it doesn't bother me in the slightest I was just a bit confused by it all. Of all people she asked me the question after ghosting me but its whatever. I know if the roles were reversed she would have ignored but imo that just shows who is more mature about the relationship being over.
 

shhmew

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yeah sounds like it's not worth reaching out to her or anything, but since she reached out to you for something simple no harm in responding. a bit weird and uncomfy for sure but if it's over and done with then nothing to worry about i think. it's good you're wary tho..
 

OceanMaster

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True, I just needed some clarification if I did right by being considerate. I would ask my irl friends but they would say something stupid like "get her bro" and thats the last thing I want because she did me dirty in our relationship. It's hard for them to be civil when I am being serious. Thank you for your feedback I appreciate it.
 

Thundawave

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Welcome to Ocean and welcome back to Andrew!

Agreed that since you have no more feelings, there's no reason you "should have" ignored her. I think you handled it well.

So I actually have a slightly interesting update. I asked a guy to my sorority's formal, and it's a yes. Not expecting too much out of it besides a better friendship, but I actually asked someone to something.
 

OceanMaster

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I am in quite a predicament.

There's this girl I met here at Univ, and like we are good friends but I have noticed her flirting with me and stuff. When she sees my friends without me she asks where im at. She even told me her schedule so we could plan a time to hang out. I was oblivious at the time thinking it was all friendly gestures until I looked into it and noticed. I think i may be overthinking, but like dont get me wrong I like her too but our friendship is important to me. I'm not sure if I should address the topic with her.
 

Luke Strife

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Depends. If it's bothering you and/or making you awkward, if the air feels different between you two, then maybe. Be gentle. If it's not currently being a problem then there are other ways you can tackle it, like talking bringing up similar topics without being direct. Questions like "what kind of person do you like". Could also be a risky move. Honest communication and clearing the air will always be the best route, though.

Ultimately, you might have to accept that you may lose her as a friend over this. It depends on how she reacts to you saying you're not interested in her romantically. Some folk that I know have gotten so embarrassed that they've avoided the person for a while. It could go any way, and I have no idea because I just don't know this person.

That is, unless, you're interested in taking it further yourself. How long have you known each other? Establishing a good base before thinking of any kind of dating is important.

But yeah. Be true to yourself and what you want. Be open and honest about what you want. And ask what she wants, too, just so that there's no confusion or misinterpretation.
 

Lazuli

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Change my relationship status to single please. Also no worries. Everything is fine. ^^
 

Mystical

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Nice, Regine, hope you have fun!

As for your situation, Ocean, personally I don't take it too badly when people say they don't like me back (this has happened to me at least a couple of times and while it stung for a bit I got over it). So while it may negatively affect your friendship, it may also help it, since communication and knowing where the other person stands is important. But it's ultimately up to you.

And glad everything is fine, Kaity.
 

Felly

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A guy that liked me in high school added me on Facebook this week. (I thought we were already friends on Facebook, but I guess he deleted me or something and now he's readding me? Idek, doesn't really matter that much.) I can't remember if he asked me out (I think he might've, but I honestly can't remember and I know I wouldn't have asked because I didn't have any feelings for him that way), but I remember him having a crush on me while I was in high school. (He was like a year above me, so not too awful of a difference.) And then all in the same week, one of my exes starts talking to me again (first on Steam, then I gave him my Discord and we've been talking more on that). Nothing's come of either of these things, and the guy that added me on Facebook has only really waved at me, and I waved back when I got a free moment (because he waved when I was busy at work). Just super interesting that two people who had feelings for me at one point are now reaching out to me to contact me again and talk to me.

And also talking to my ex has me in a lil bit of an awkward state of longing for a relationship and also not really caring because I want to live my life. I'm not really interested in a relationship with him, I don't think I could do that to myself after I've already been hurt by him once, but talking to him again is just bringing up feelings of wanting to be in a relationship with someone, I guess. Also also, idk why, but I was playing League tonight and he'd DM'd me to comment on something I'd said earlier, and I was feeling frustrated with League, but seeing that he'd DM'd me made this wave of calm wash over me, I guess??? I'd already decided the game he'd DM'd me during was going to be my last game before I knew he'd DM'd me (I've gotten into the habit of not checking Discord while I'm in the middle of a game on League since I usually feel like whatever it is can probably wait till I get done with my game), but I guess seeing that he'd DM'd me felt nice and made me feel less frustrated?? Idek.

I think I'm just all kinds of a mess rn tbh.
 

shhmew

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i think it's very powerful to recognize your feelings are coming from wanting to be in a relationship in general, and not specifically with him. it's very easy to mix those two up, especially after seeing an ex again and feeling those messy pangs of longing. i feel like too many people confuse them and get in relationships with people they don't even feel that strongly about..which is no good

it sounds like you're very self aware but just feeling a little foggy inside, hopefully that clears up soon felly=) you seem like a very strong lady!
 

Felly

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i think it's very powerful to recognize your feelings are coming from wanting to be in a relationship in general, and not specifically with him. it's very easy to mix those two up, especially after seeing an ex again and feeling those messy pangs of longing. i feel like too many people confuse them and get in relationships with people they don't even feel that strongly about..which is no good

it sounds like you're very self aware but just feeling a little foggy inside, hopefully that clears up soon felly=) you seem like a very strong lady!
Yeah, definitely! I'm hoping it clears up soon too. I wound up questioning a lot last night when I went to lay down to go to bed, which then turned into me being a little self-depriciating and blaming myself for both relationships failing, which then turned into me getting upset enough to start crying about it all. I know it's not entirely my fault though, but I think all of this got me feeling in a mood.

I definitely don't have any intent to enter any kind of romantic relationship with either of my exes though, at least not right now. I can't say what the future holds, but I think this is showing me that I still have some baggage from my last relationship that I need to deal with properly before I really enter into any sort of relationship with someone right now. (Though if the right person comes along, I won't pass it up, just not gonna put any real effort into searching right now.)
 

The Griddler

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ARE YOU LONELY?: Right here, right now? I am.
 

Mystical

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Welcome, Griddle!

@Felly I think knowing it wasn't your fault, at least not completely, is good, and I think being able to forgive yourself for whatever may have been helps. And it doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. But also, I think crying a little and being able to express how you feel can also help you heal.


As for myself, I've noticed I dislike when people ignore me or they dismiss what I'm saying. I try not to dwell on that tol much, though, but it got me thinking about what I do value about other people. I think one of the points of a good relationship (be it friendship or something else) is when both people can openly listen to the other without critisizing or at least not immediately going for the negative points but instead at least acknowledging what a person may be going through. And even just being listened to is really nice and comforting. And I love when people do that. It shows kindness and empathy.
 

The Griddler

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Thank you, Mystical. I'm happy to be here right now.

I'm currently living separately from my wife. She lives in the US while I live in Canada. I'm living closer to her now than I've ever been before, but the border authorities won't permit me to cross the border to see her. They feel that I'm trying to immigrate illegally to the US, which is factually untrue: I have just rented out an apartment in Canada, with all the paperwork and physical proof to show it, and I have papers for my wife's immigration process to Canada, but the US border patrol still don't believe me. Or at least, they didn't believe me last time I tried to cross. It's deeply frustrating to be so close to the woman I love, but so far at the same time.
 

Felly

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@Felly I think knowing it wasn't your fault, at least not completely, is good, and I think being able to forgive yourself for whatever may have been helps. And it doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. But also, I think crying a little and being able to express how you feel can also help you heal.
When my first ex and I broke up, it got me down for a lil while, but after a few days, I was already over it. I knew things were fizzling out between us, and it was just a matter of time before things really ended. I never really blamed myself for it then, and I think the other day when I broke down and cried a lil about everything was the first time I'd ever really blamed myself for it. It was the first time I'd genuinely blamed myself for that relationship falling apart. I asked him a few days ago why he'd started talking to me again, and he said it was because he was wondering what had happened to me because I'd been off Steam for a month or so before he'd messaged me on Steam that day. (For what it's worth, I don't use Steam that much, and I told him as much, and now he has my Discord and we talk a lot more on that.) He thought something bad may have happened to me, which technically, something bad did happen to me, but he never pushed me to talk about it. He hasn't really blamed anything on me, and honestly, it just really feels like he wants to just reconnect with me and be my friend again instead of holding the past over my head. We just have completely opposite schedules, so we don't get to talk too much since I'm at work when he has free time before work, and he's at work when I have my post-work free time.

With my second ex, I'm slowly getting to a point where I don't completely blame myself for it, but I blame myself for a good chunk of it still. I'm always wondering, "maybe if I didn't get so upset over little things, we'd still be together and everything would be fine" because me getting a little upset over feeling excluded from my then group of friends (that he was also a part of and still hangs out with to my knowledge) and distancing myself from it to try and get over it and not telling him about it was what pushed him over the edge and caused him to break up with me. I was hesitant to say anything because I'd wanted to try and get over it and not let something little like that get me down, but he pretty much pressured me into talking about it and then got mad when I finally came clean. Should I have come clean sooner? Probably, and then maybe he wouldn't have gotten so frustrated, but also I was trying to get past it and not let it get to me like he would've wanted me to do. And then even if I had come clean sooner, how do I know the same result wouldn't have happened? Apparently, I'd heard from another old friend that he was getting frustrated with how things were between us for a while because I was struggling with staying happy because my dad had literally just passed and I gave myself zero time to grieve and just dove in head first into my final semester of school on top of dealing with the aftermath of drama in an RPG that I used to be able to use as an escape from life's problems that I couldn't even enjoy anymore because of all of the drama that his friend caused. Basically, the beginning of last year was all a hot mess for me, and my mental health wasn't in the finest state. I didn't expect him to make me happy though, I had to find that in myself, I just wanted someone who would listen to me vent if I needed to because at the time, I felt like he was the only one who really would, but I guess I'd relied on him a little too much for that and maybe could've trusted some of the others in the group to talk to more. Just thinking about it all messes me up a little bit because I just spend so much time questioning what I could've done differently or what could've been, and I just dwell on it until I can pull myself away from it for long enough to not think about it anymore. I was doing pretty good about it, but since first ex has started talking to me again, I've been thinking about it a lot more than I used to.

The healing process for all of this is just taking forever, and I'm feeling a little impatient at times, but I'll get there eventually. I'm grateful to have this site so I can share how I'm feeling if need be and also just have a friendly, understanding group of people around me. Being here has been a complete 180 from the people I used to surround myself with, and I think that's been helping with the healing process as well. I've considered talking to first ex about everything too, but I'm also hesitant to do so because I don't want him to stop talking to me; he knows there was someone after him, he just doesn't know about everything that's happened since we last spoke. There's a lot that's happened, and I haven't shared all of it with him. He knows bad things have happened since we last spoke, but he doesn't know what those things are. I think we're just of the belief that it'll come up when it comes up, and we don't need to force anything.
 
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