♡ The Lonely Hearts Club ♡ - When You're around Me, I'm Radioactive

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Felly

not in love tonight
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So last night, I decided I would go into this arcade that also does e-sports stuff and tourneys on Friday nights while I waited for my mom to get off work. (She was scheduled till 11pm, I was only scheduled till 9pm, so I had time to kill before she got off.) I walk in, and it's mainly Super Smash Bros. Ultimate, or whichever one it is for the Switch, on Friday nights. I stand around for a lil bit, watch some people play some games, and one of the employees talks to me for a lil bit and asks if I was gonna play any games; for the record, I do know him a lil bit because I've been in there quite a bit before last Friday night to kill time before my mom got off work, so there was no malicious intent with his question. Anyways, I tell him I could, and he has to go and do his job and all, which is cool, so I just hang out and watch more of the games. I walk around a little bit, watching the different games, and even watching a few tourney matches.

After a lil while, I got bored though, and it was also just super loud in there and I just wasn't feeling it, so I ended up leaving and going upstairs to wait for my mom to get off work. (I'd brought my 3DS and a few games to play too, so I wasn't completely bored, but I wasn't really feeling those either at the time.) I dunno if it was because I was tired from work (it's why I didn't feel like playing my 3DS games that I'd brought with me) or if I just felt real awkward and out of place, but idk, I just was not feeling it at all and I just left. I feel a little disappointed in myself because I'm trying to make friends and hang out with people more irl instead of spending so much of my time online and on the computer, but also I'm just kinda thinking, maybe that wasn't the place I was meant to be at to hang out with people and make new friends??? I also just didn't really know how to include myself into things because it looked like most people already knew each other, and everyone had their own controllers, so I couldn't really play any games. Like, I guess I just don't know how to talk to people???

I dunno. First attempt at being more ~ social ~ didn't go so hot tho. Maybe second attempt, whenever I try it, will go better??
 

Dregran

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Good job @Felly ! It takes a lot to go into a new social situation. Perhaps that is not the "thing" for you, yeah. If you go again, maybe you could stay longer, who knows. I'm happy that you're making progress and happy with yourself!
 

Neb

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There’s a part of me I’m not proud of, but it’s better to acknowledge it than pretend it doesn’t exist.

One of the most hurtful insults I have ever received was when one of my classmates told me I was desperate. Unlike much of what my peers have said about me, that particular accusation was true.

Ever since I was 6, I have been easily infatuated. Whether it be a friend, classmate, or complete stranger, there was always some sort of crush I was having. When I was a little kid this wasn’t much of an issue, but once I got older, it became unhealthy. I’d fantasize about marrying people, having children, and just being affectionate. None of them reciprocated and my self esteem would get hurt in the process. It thankfully hasn’t ruined any friendships, but it did make things awkward.

During the few times people have been open about liking me, I closed up and pretended I wasn’t flattered.

Even as my mental health has improved in the last year, it still hasn’t gone away. It seems like I can’t go one day without wondering if someone flirted with me or if I saw a “sign.”

I’m honestly not sure how to fix this.

TLDR: I dislike how desperate I have been over the last several years, and don’t know how to fix it.
 
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BZWGolem

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@Neb
Take care of yourself and your mental health first.
To be honest - there is nothing wrong in having crushes, and there is nothing wrong in fantasies about marriage and children.
Your feelings are not something that can be "wrong" or "right", they are just there. What is important is how you act on them.

Relationships take time, skill and lots of luck. Some people get all of those earlier, some later. And yeah, the luck part is actually almost completely random and almost always out of our control. Sometimes there simply isn't anyone around that would be a good match for you.

Just saying, I got my first kiss when I was 19, lol. But now at 24 I'm married and expecting a child so that escalated quickly. xD

btw. School generally can be the worst phase of life and I don't miss it at all. Not only are you like an animal in a cage, you also have to spend time with people you don't necessarily like.
 

God

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haha lol relatable

Username: Dragon
Nickname(s): w/e
Gender (optional): Female.
Relationship Status (optional): hit me with your best shot
ARE YOU LONELY?: indeed, an unwise choice

@Neb yo this ping **** is cool. Also I'm not really sure what to say other than I really emphasize with that, I am crazy ""egirl"" with ""daddy issues"" as people say so I guess I'm more "prone" to that kind of stuff but I get called out on it a lot by guys and girls alike so I guess oops ROFL
Try to not take it so rough, I know it's hard but if you think you're "desperate" or that people call you that, maybe you're just more codependent and want that slot filled. I wouldn't say it's a bad thing, but neither is wanting to change it, so. hugs <3

Ye sadly lost my first kiss and other more stuff to a guy that used me and is still hitting me up to try to Hang Out and I'm just like yeah uh no honey. Think only one person here knows anything really about it, will probably keep it that way for a while and leave it at that.

Lets just say I have little to no interest in gingers anymore and am back to loving emo boys lol.
 

Thundawave

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Welcome back, Alexo! And rip, sorry to hear about that. It must be rough when a "first" gets tainted with bitter feelings soon after. Hope he gets the hint to back off.

@Neb: It really sucks to hear that people are saying that about you. Honestly, I commend you for being brave enough to confess your feelings to others in the first place. People are going to talk and say nasty things, and I can definitely empathize with how utterly crippling the fear of rumors can be. But the ones putting you down aren't worth your time worrying over. Like Klara said, there's nothing wrong with having crushes, and it's probably better in most cases to confess and know how they feel rather than staying silent and letting opportunities pass.
 

Luke Strife

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I told my first love about it, knowing she could not return the feelings. I do not regret doing so, as it helped inform her decisions on how best to handle me. I mean sure, it about nearly ruined our friendship, but we managed to patch things up enough, and helped me move on. It does help you evolve and grow as a person, regardless of which way the coin falls.
 

God

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Yeah, he keeps messaging me like every other day / every day on Snapchat asking to go to the lake in the mountains nearby. Now he's saying he wants to talk about something? Unless it's an apology and desire to mend things I don't think so lol. Also my mom is VERY adamant about letting me ever see him again or even talk to him so she'll need like a bucket of chicken from KFC to consider it lmfao. (i used to work at kfc with him and that's where we met)

Now I'm just like... need me a Sebby or Sam from SDV lol
 

Felly

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I feel like I've gotten real hesitant on confessing my feelings towards someone I consider a friend because I feel like the relationship just ends up getting ruined if we do start dating and things fall apart or it just gets awkward if we don't start dating. With my first ex, we kinda just started talking again about a couple months ago, give or take, but it just gets real awk at times because I feel like he wants a friends with benefits thing and I don't want that at all. He knows this, of course, I've set that boundary and I'm sticking by it, but I dunno, whenever it comes up, it's just real awk. With my second ex, we were really good friends beforehand, and now we don't want a thing to do with each other and haven't talked since the beginning of the year. (Honestly probably better that way because he hangs out with some real toxic people and is a little toxic himself tbh.)

Hopefully maybe the third time's the charm when it comes to relationships though, but only time will tell.
 

Zange

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So I'm single now.

I'll probably be able to talk about it later (combination of i've already talked about it to other people a lot today and it's very early here) but god it's just... hard to process.
 

theDINOsaurus

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Sorry to hear that, Zange. Wishing you the best in a tough time.
 

shhmew

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i feel the need to share this in this club, the netflix show Aggretsuko is not only very cute but also relatable and inspiring to watch if you are struggling with the pressure of finding someone, or settling with someone who isn't right for you. it's nothing super deep or revolutionary but somehow still hits hard, at least it did for me. There are only two seasons, season 2 recently came out and i love it dearly.
 

Thundawave

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How has everyone been doing this past month? I’m guessing not a ton of updates? I know it’s been quiet on my end.
 

shhmew

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not a whole lot for me i wanna share here, but being single rocks once you get used to it 👌 i still hope i can find 'the one' someday but i'm still young, so in the meantime it's rly nice just being casual & free heehee. also, it makes me appreciate my friendships a loot more.
 

Neb

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Nothing here. I’m not in much of a hurry to find anyone, and it’s kind of nice. Maybe I’ll meet someone at my new school.
 

Lazuli

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I have no updates. I'll find someone someday. ^^
 

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Pretty swell on my end. Still on extended vacation with bf, and will be here until November. We're planning for him to come to me in NYC in mid-December for two weeks, and then we'll fly to Canada to see more sights there for another two. Pretty exciting!

Glad everyone else seems to be doing okay <3
 

Felly

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Still alone on my end as well.

Joined a site called MeetUp to see if it would help on the making friends irl front, but it didn't really. A lot of the people on there seem like they're a lot older than me, and I'm looking to find people more my age. I get to hang around people my age at work, but I don't really hang out with them outside of work. Not having a car of my own doesn't really help matters either since I have to work around my mom's schedule as well to go hang out with people, or rely on others for rides (and if I don't know them very well, I don't wanna do that), and public transportation around here sucks and isn't worth at all. I could use Uber or Lyft, but I don't wanna drop money to get somewhere and then have people flake out on me, only to have to pay money again to get back home.

I'll find my people eventually though, I believe it.
 

Luke Strife

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Nothing new for me. Met one of my online friends for the first time earlier this week (she's come over from the US on a study trip). She's a she, so of course that means my mum is automatically being suggestive ("Do you need me to prep the other bedroom" "Yeah, obviously. She's not going to be in mine" "Are you suuuuure").

It gets tiring (for multiple reasons) to keep having to shut her down about that sort of thing. Apparently I can't have female humans in my life who are JUST friends and nothing more. It's gotten to the stage now where even when I insist that there's nothing going on she does the "yeah right" face which really aggravates me. What, can't two people establish a mutual connection of respect without also being intimate/romantic?

But yeah, other than that, I'm perfectly fine.
 

Felly

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Nothing new for me. Met one of my online friends for the first time earlier this week (she's come over from the US on a study trip). She's a she, so of course that means my mum is automatically being suggestive ("Do you need me to prep the other bedroom" "Yeah, obviously. She's not going to be in mine" "Are you suuuuure").

It gets tiring (for multiple reasons) to keep having to shut her down about that sort of thing. Apparently I can't have female humans in my life who are JUST friends and nothing more. It's gotten to the stage now where even when I insist that there's nothing going on she does the "yeah right" face which really aggravates me. What, can't two people establish a mutual connection of respect without also being intimate/romantic?

But yeah, other than that, I'm perfectly fine.
My mom can be the same way!! She'll make comments like "are you talking to your boyfriend or something?" and I'm just like "no." I wish, but no. I guess she just assumes it because I'll laugh or smile at something I'll see online, and then she goes into the whole boyfriend thing and I'm like "can u stop." It gets really annoying, but it usually gets dismissed pretty quick, thankfully. I'd hate to see her when I actually do bring a boyfriend around, if that ever even happens in the first place (because I gotta actually find a guy first lmao).
 
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